Monday 30 May 2016

Take Your Lunch Break! Here's Why.

I am back from Blackpool and back on the blog, though I'm off for a birthday camping trip for the next couple of days so my blog won't be fully up and running again until Friday. Thanks for staying around and reading!

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Sometimes the idea of a lunch break at work can stretch out ahead of you. You've been given an hour and you wonder whether to take the whole hour or wander back to get on with your work. Whether it's to get home earlier or for other reasons, in this post I'll explore why you should take the full time! 


Why do some people cut it short?

This varies from person to person. I have known people who take their lunch break late because they want to get home at the end of the day faster. I've also known people who had psychological reasons for working straight through the break. Reasons vary but it is more common than you'd think.

Often lunch breaks can be spent in an unhelpful way, so I'll outline some reasons and also some things you could do to fully enjoy your lunch breaks and even enjoy your day more!

Why should I take the full hour?

1) Self respect and boundaries.

Someone who is willing to work through a break is more likely to be given the odd extra task, maybe because they don't seem to mind.

Putting the boundary in place that you expect and will take your full break will make people aware that you have firm boundaries which you respect, and in turn these boundaries will receive respect from other people.

2) Replenishing your body.

Taking your full break each day allows you to plan your meals so that they are as nutritious as possible. If you are sat at your desk for the entire day snacking, you could end up eating in a way which isn't tuned to what your body needs.

3) Replenishing your mind.

In the same way, a lunch break is a good opportunity to nourish your soul. A work break meditation helps ease the stresses of the day, ground you and prepare you to have a mindful and healthy afternoon ahead. Here is an example of a meditation you could use:


4) Better productivity.

Having better nutrition of your body and mind helps us to feel more motivated for the rest of the day. It could also lessen your brain's need for distractions, meaning your work day ahead is more focused and you are more efficient. You might even end up leaving early after all!


5) A chance to connect with colleagues.

Our lunch break is also a great chance to connect with colleagues. People have different views on whether to make friends at work, but our human need for connection means our day goes that little bit easier if we feel we can connect with those around us there.

Being able to discuss your weekend is one little reason to feel some motivation for going into work on the Monday. As Oliver Burkeman says (here):

"Sure, we're all treading the same bit of carpet for eight hours a day, but even that's preferable to each treading our own, alone."

So take your breaks! They are important for all sorts of reasons and help our work to be more enjoyable, efficient and connected. And as always, feel free to comment, like or share this post if you feel it is useful for you or others.

Image from here

Wednesday 25 May 2016

See You On Monday!

I am off on holiday to Blackpool this week and I decided not to take my laptop - so my next post will be on Monday. Take care and have a great week everyone! I'll leave you with this video of the rollercoaster I'll get to go on:




Tuesday 24 May 2016

How Do You Set Up For Meditating?

I was reading The Power of Meditation by Sharon Salzberg (a really great introduction to meditation - available here) when I came across her advice for a meditating posture. For many it is easier to start with a specific posture, one of which I will outline in this post. 


Hint: it is not the position this image shows!

1) Setting

Put together a meditation area. Make it a place where you feel comfortable, warm enough and safe and where you won't be disturbed (e.g. in your bedroom). This is my meditation area in my room:


I have some favourite, meaningful cushions with a book about meditation I'm currently reading. I also have a rose quartz stone which was a gift. According to this website, rose quartz is the crystal of unconditional love, compassion, peace and more. 

It might be nice to put some books, stones, quotes and signs in your meditation area. You could write some affirmations on paper and stick them up for you to meditate on (I'll write a future post about meditating on affirmations). Make it yours - in this space you will be doing a lot of self discovery!

2) Legs

Sitting on cushions on the floor, or in a chair if you feel more comfortable, gently cross your legs. Salzberg says (and I'd agree) to cross them at the ankles and swap your legs around if you get a 'dead leg' or pins and needles! To make it more comfortable, sit raised above the ground. You can buy a special meditation cushion for this (the pictured one is available here).
You might also like to have a blanket nearby or on your legs before you practice.

3) Arms

Your arms can go in different positions - people have all sorts of preferences. Up until recently I liked to let my arms relax, with my hands face down on my thighs. Recently, I have come to like Salzberg's meditation posture, which is shown here (image from here):


So your right hand is cupped in your left hand and your thumbs are touching

4) Back and neck

Keep your back straight and face straight ahead. This keeps the body nice and open for easier breathing and keeps you awake if you start the meditation feeling slightly drowsy! To keep your back straight, push your shoulders back slightly and chest forwards, keeping comfortable.

5) Face

The main thing with the face is to keep it relaxed. Salzberg suggests that your teeth should be slightly apart and your lips should fall apart just enough to admit a single grain of rice. Keep your jaw nice and relaxed and your face.

Then all you have to do is switch on a guided meditation or follow your breath (I'll cover following the breath shortly in another post). Please like, share or comment if you think others might benefit!

Image from here

Sunday 22 May 2016

How Meditation Could Help Your Grades

An update: I would like to do some Q+A posts with questions from my regular readers! If you have a question you'd like me to have a go at answering, please send it to me at this email address. Or put a comment on a post. All Q+A posts will be anonymous.

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Like many students I am in the middle of revising for my summer exams. And earlier I was sitting revising when I realised that revision is not all that different from meditating itself. In this blog post I'll expand on that and then go onto a few general reasons why meditating is great for students.


When I am revising, what I want to focus on is learning the material. Distractions which come up for me include my phone going off, accidentally finding myself scrolling on Facebook, or thinking about my next meal.

Similarly, in meditation, we also have one thing we want to focus on. For instance, in a breathing meditation it is our breath. Distractions which come up include trails of thought, worries about how well the meditation is going and wondering how close to the end of the 20 minutes we are.

So given the similarities, it sounds fitting that someone who meditates is better able to focus on their work without succumbing to distractions. But here's some actual scientific evidence showing that students who meditate have been shown to learn better:

  1. More likely to study something they enjoy.

    This is one of my own thoughts about meditation for students. When we meditate we learn a lot about ourselves - our feelings about things, our most common thought patterns, etc., and by getting to know ourselves we are more likely to know what we want to study.

    Students who are studying a subject they enjoy are 'likely to perform better', according to Charlie Ball, editor of What Do Graduates Do?
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  2. More present.

    According to a study (here), African American students who engaged in 15 minute meditations sessions at home and school every day for 4 months were less likely to show absenteeism than the control group. Studies show (here) that absenteeism leads to worse performance in studies.
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  3. Reduced testing stress.

    Less stress on the day leads to a clearer head, and this study (here) showed that 64 medical students who participated in deep breathing meditation exercises experienced:
    • Decreased test anxiety
    • Decreased self doubt
    • Increased concentration
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  4. Helps you further down the line.

    In the same sample of medical students, those who participated in the meditation exercises claimed that they felt meditation would help them in their future jobs as physicians. 

As if those reasons weren't enough, students who tried meditation regularly have been shown in all sorts of studies (one of them here) to have grade improvements.


So next time you're setting your alarm to get up for a lecture or exam, consider setting it 20 minutes earlier to try meditating. Alternatively, try meditating before bed - you could even try my very own bedtime meditation (here). Good luck!

Image from here

Friday 20 May 2016

Free Sleep Meditation!

To celebrate 1000 viewers of my blog, I have created a free sleep meditation! Now it is recorded in my own voice so prepare for this to feel slightly weird if you know me in person..!

Thanks for all your views which have enabled me to invest a little more in the blog :)




What I suggest you do to go along with the sleep meditation:
  • When you're ready to go to sleep, make sure you've done everything you need to do (I've covered this in the video).
  • Put the phone face down to keep the light from disturbing your zen zone.
  • And play!
  • Your alarm will go off come the morning and you will hopefully drift off to sleep towards the end of the video.
I think it sounds best through headphones but that choice is up to you! 

Leave any comments etc if you found this useful :) I want to connect with my readers!


The Importance of Being Honest

In celebration of my 1000th blog view I will be releasing a 10 minute guided meditation which I recorded and put together myself! So watch this space because it will probably be within the next hour :)

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When I think about honesty and its importance, my mind goes to being a child. When someone would say 'was it you?' and I'd struggle internally with the choice of whether to be honest or get away with whatever I had done wrong. But if that's an obvious, macro kind of honesty, in this post I will be writing about a much more subtle, micro form of honesty. 


But I never lie! 

With the number of interactions we have with other people, it is very common to be dishonest unintentionally. For example, you're feeling low and your mum phones asking about your week and if everything's ok. 'Yeah mum, everything's fine!' - and that's one lie for the day already in the bag.

The Oxford Dictionary defines dishonesty as the following (link):

"Behaving or prone to behave in an untrustworthy, deceitful, or insincere way"

So being dishonest isn't as simple as being asked a question and giving an answer which is not the truth. It also includes situations where we are deceitful, meaning being misleading to others. If you aren't happy with something and you don't speak up with honesty about how you feel? Dishonesty. You are misleading them into thinking you are happier with the situation than you are. 

So why's it important?

Others know when we are being inauthentic. The person who asked if you were ok probably asked because they could sense discomfort in you. A dishonest answer could lead to them feeling uncomfortable and lacking trust in you. Honesty brings us closer to people because we are more vulnerable. See Brene Brown's talk on vulnerability here (it's a good one!):



It is also an important human need to be seen. By being honest you are being seen by yourself and others, which leads to an increase in self esteem. And with more self esteem you can be more free and have more fun! So although it feels like a risk to be honest sometimes, go for it because most of the time it only leads to good! 

A small note of caution

Also consider your reasons for being honest in a certain situation. It needs to be because you want your opinion to be heard. Not to spite the other person, which can lead to trouble - this post is not permission to run up to your least favourite family member and tell them what you think of them!

How can I be even more honest?

Like most ways of increasing self esteem, it starts with an awareness. Be aware of what you are feeling so that you can start expressing it more often. Then make a conscious effort to express how you really feel about things. Get your voice out in the world to show yourself and others that your feelings and thoughts matter.

Next time someone asks 'everything ok?', it's very fine to answer something like 'yeah things are ok, I'm just deep in thought about my lost phone!'... Queue the way for an authentic conversation!


Image source here

5 Ways to Get Dance Back Into Your Life!

Before I start this article, I have added a snazzy new Facebook like button to all of my posts! So if you like what I'm writing you can click that so I can see how many people are enjoying my posts and spread my writing further!

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Following on from my last post, today I'll be writing about making ourselves less invisible and taking up the space we deserve in the world. And what better way to do this than through dance?


It takes some confidence to dance. Whether it's in a club, in a dance class or in your bedroom, to many people it just doesn't feel natural. Last week I was lucky enough to go to Morning Gloryville (see their website here). They describe what they do on their website:

"Morning Gloryville is an immersive morning dance party. We are the pioneers of sober morning raving - responsible for bringing conscious clubbing to the world stage."

You might think that this sounds fantastic, and believe me it was brilliant. You might also think something like 'I could never do that' or 'I'd need a drink before I could dance'. And this is the reaction I got from quite a few people when I told them about it afterwards.

Why is dancing so hard?

I believe that the inability we feel to get up and dance, especially in front of others, is a result of our wanting to be invisible. In some ways, it is easier - we avoid the horror of someone laughing at the way we dance, or going for it a bit too much and tripping over.

But becoming invisible in this way is not healthy for us. Every human being, as I explained in my last post (here), has the need to be seen. By not allowing ourselves to completely let go, we cause ourselves anxiety, our negative self talk spirals and we become more and more isolated.

So how can I get dancing?

There are a few ways you can do this.

1. Start in your bedroom.

Put on a dance tracks playlist when everyone is out, and just let go. Given the part of us that loves dance comes from our inner child, even better if you can find a track you used to dance to as a child. Bring back some of those moves you used to pull as a 12 year old. S Club Juniors is one of my favourites for this!

2. Go clubbing more.

If you feel you need to drink alcohol to have a good dance, go out with some friends and spend the night enjoying dance. Remember your goal through this though - this guidance isn't an excuse to end up out on the smoking terrace all night before retreating to McDonald's!

3. Join a dance class

Go to a dance class where there will be more 'beginners' at the dance style you choose for your class. This might take away some of the fear that you won't automatically know which moves to pull out when you're dancing. Because you'll be taught them.

Dance classes at the gym can also be fun - Zumba and dance fit and the like are all growing in popularity and if you take along a friend you can have fun as well as coming away having done some exercise (though be careful that your desire to dance doesn't become a desire to get fit - this is not the point of this article!)

4. Go to a flash mob!

Get searching online and find a flash mob that's happening in a city near you. When you feel that your dance has a purpose and fits into a larger goal, it can really give you some confidence.

5. Challenge negative self talk

If, while you're dancing, you begin to have thoughts like 'dancing isn't for me' or 'I can't dance' - remember that dancing is for anyone who has a body! The desire to dance comes instinctively to human beings, as well as an ability to move, so honour that in yourself and find a dance floor.

And when you've gone off and danced,  leave me a comment on the blog to let me know how you got on :)

Image source here

Thursday 19 May 2016

What's So Special About Me?

So I bet you thought this blog post was going to be a personal one about me. But no! It's going to be about you. Like most of these blog posts. I'm not sure if that'll come as an excitement or a disappointment for you, but on to what I'm going to talk about!


So many times we underestimate ourselves. It comes across in all sorts of ways.

1. Jealousy

We find ourselves looking at others' achievements. That friend's graduation photo, hearing about someone's new plans, someone else's good fortune. That pang of guilt as we realise we do not feel completely 100% happy for them is usually down to self deprecation. 

The reason that person's graduation photo is creating a sense of jealousy might be because a part of you always wanted to graduate but didn't. In that moment of longing for what they have it doesn't matter that your premature leaving of university led to a great period of self discovery and starting your own business. It doesn't matter that you met all sorts of great people. You could've become a billionaire. And still your inner critic believes that you are not enough because you didn't graduate. 

2. Isolating ourselves

People probably wouldn't notice if you didn't turn up to that party. Right? 

Wrong. So often we tell ourselves that our absence isn't noticed. We could skip that gathering to lay about in bed and not bother getting in the shower. And yes, you guessed it, it's another way of putting ourselves down. 

The truth is, people do notice when we aren't around. They miss us. And in the mean time we dismiss what they actually miss about us.  

3. Pushing away loved ones

We self deprecators sabotage our own opportunities. That guy you've been dating you might find yourself pushing away from because to your subconscious, he seems too nice. In an old journal I have written 'it's only a matter of time until he discovers that I'm not all that great'. Come on! 

We also push away opportunities. That art fair you've been wanting to go to might get put on the back burner by an inner voice saying 'what's the point?'.

Well, what is the point?

It's a human need to be seen. The more you are seen the more you are remembered, and the more opportunity will flock straight to you. You'll have a lot more freedom. 



So how?

Put yourself out there!

Nobody but Van Gogh would have created Sunflowers in the way he did. All the things we love about creative professionals' work is a direct result of them getting out of bed and deciding to put themselves out in the world. And we can all learn from that. 

Go to social events, do what you feel drawn towards, because it's a great way to discover yourself and how much capability you really have. It only takes 2 clicks on a laptop to order a pizza to your house. Think how much you could create with a little thought and a few more clicks?

Make your voice heard!

As Michelle D'Avella writes (here), 

"The world does not carve out a space for the voiceless. They do not roll out a red carpet and invite the invisible to parade through."

Stay connected to the ones you love - participate fully in that group chat, make your voice heard when something doesn't feel right - refuse to pay the service charge if the waitress had no time for you! And make yourself heard!

Then see how it feels and leave a comment on this post :)

Image 1 from here
Image 2 from here


Wednesday 18 May 2016

Do you Find Positive People Annoying?

You might've experienced it. You are having a really rough day - your cat threw up on your favourite blanket, you missed the train and tripped over trying to run for it. You finally reach that friend you're having coffee with and hear the inevitable words 'well, on the bright side...'. 

Sometimes, we just want to dwell for a little while on how rubbish we feel. Hearing someone trying to see the positive side just feels inauthentic and misplaced, and it might even feel annoying. Either way, it can drive a gap between you and the person because your feelings seem invalidated. 

But in general, are 'positive people' just really annoying and unable to see the miserable parts of life? Unable to acknowledge that sometimes we just have a bad day? And that it feels rubbish when we do? To look into answering these questions it's important to look at a few things.




Why do I find it so annoying?

Firstly, what do you want from telling this person about how horrible your day so far has been? For many people it's validation. You want them to sit and listen to you and say 'aww, that does sound terrible. Let me get you a cup of tea'.  Maybe not the tea but you get the idea. It's validation you're looking for in that moment. 

And when they look you in the eyes and say 'well, it could be worse!', this feels like the opposite of validation. And it is. Deep down you have built up expectations of what this person will say, and they have totally thwarted them (off topic but thwart is a word I learnt recently and love, so I'm pretty happy to have got it into my writing!).

More generally, how often do you find yourself moaning about things to this positive annoying person you have in mind? You might be surprised to find that it is more often than you think. As Dawn Gluskin writes (here): 

'For somebody trapped in a negative thinking cycle... the optimism, certainty and fearlessness of a positive-thinker can seem unbelievable and, yes, even downright annoying'


What can I do differently?

Remove the expectation.

In order to enjoy this person's company, the only real way to do it is to remove that expectation. And the only way to do this is to learn to validate yourself. 
  • Be aware of your feelings.
  • Recognise that all of your feelings are natural, temporary and justified. 
  • Comfort yourself when you're experiencing difficult feelings - be your own loving friend or parent (see my blog post about your inner parent here).
If you can keep yourself feeling validated, you won't need someone else to do it for you, so you won't find it quite so annoying when someone else doesn't follow your expectations. 

Address your resentments.

If this has been an issue with this particular person for a long time, address your resentments and old anger so that you can focus more when you're with them. One way of doing this is to write an anger letter to them (unsent), explaining what you're angry about. Then rip it up or burn it to represent a release of your feelings of resentment.

Focus on gratitude

You might still find that you feel angry talking to them. Focus on your gratitude towards them and the things they have done and do for you. Usually, someone is doing the best they can - they are trying to help you, and though it can be difficult when they are not validating you, focus on what they are trying to do. Which is to make you feel better, normally. 

Another post will follow about forgiveness and resentments. As always, share and write in the comments if you have any thoughts :)


Img src here

Monday 16 May 2016

Making Friends with your Reflection: 4 Steps

We look at our reflections several times a day - and with the increasing popularity of the selfie, the number of times we see our own face per day is on the up. But without an awareness of the thoughts we are having when we see ourselves, this can be dangerous for our self esteem. 

Over the weekend I was lucky enough to bump into author Charlotte Reed, author of May The Thoughts Be With You, at her market stall at Portobello Road. Her book is available here and she also has a website (here). I couldn't put her book down until I'd read it all the way through, and one of her quotes really fits in with what I'm writing about in this post:

'Call yourself bad names often enough and your mind will start to believe them (luckily this also works for good names too!' - Charlotte Reed


Steps towards improving how you see your reflection:

1) Become aware of your thoughts

It is really common to hear people saying degrading things about themselves - body weight and shape, disliked bodily features and one's cleverness are all things which come under fire when talking in this way. But it is not only these out loud thoughts that need to be challenged.

The thoughts can be very subconscious, and because they are repeated a lot, often we are unaware of them. The only way things can change is if you become aware of them. Go to your bathroom mirror and see what happens. You might find it uncomfortable and thoughts might come to mind. Make a conscious effort to do this as often as you can when you see your reflection - even in shop windows.

2) Focus on different things about your body.

Instead of looking at the seemingly ceaseless pimples on your chin like normal, try something different. One way of doing this is to look at yourself in a full length mirror, naked if you feel you can, and describe your body in a completely objective way.

Start at your head and say out loud 'I have blonde hair which comes down to my shoulders. I have an oval face with tanned skin' etc. The point here is to make it objective because it takes away from the usual subjective judgement.

3) Change self-hatred to kindness.

Cheryl Richardson wrote in her book 21 Days to Master Extreme Self-Care (available here) suggests a mirror exercise to do. Every day for a month, every time you look in the mirror, say out loud 'I love you ___ (your name)'. Many who have tried this have found an internal shift happened towards self love, compared to the self hatred that often occurs in front of a mirror.

Another way to introduce kindness is to start thanking your body. If your legs are sore from walking, when you see your legs in a reflection, mentally or verbally thank them for carrying you today. If you find yourself being horrible towards your arms, then thank them for carrying your bag today.

4) Create a supportive mirror!

To help put things into perspective and encourage kindness, stick body image affirmations around your mirror. It is useful to say them out loud several times and allow yourself to feel the feelings that come with them. There are some available at this website, and to include some here:

'I am beautiful'

'I love my body'

'I am thankful for my body'

and

'I accept myself completely'


Keep your awareness of thoughts when looking at your reflection and see if things begin to shift. It is likely that they will as you realise that your body  is primarily there to support you and is only ever doing its best. Journal through this journey so you can look back at how far you have come!

Let me know how you get on in the comments section!


Image source here




Saturday 14 May 2016

Self Identity and Window Shopping


As promised, another post on self identity and getting to know yourself. And in this blog post I'll be talking about window shopping!

Now I would talk about actual shopping but the idea here is that when you are window shopping you are not buying things. Instead you might be drawn to some things (like those bright white Converse in the window) or rejecting other things (that t-shirt you might've happily donned aged 12).


Forming these opinions about things is a good way of practicing hearing your inner voice and validating it. When you pass a window and feel drawn to that pair of shoes, listen to that inner spark of wonder and desire. Listening to your inner guide is good practice for the bigger things (like looking within for an answer on a big life decision!) - it's like training a muscle.

Spend a little time looking at the shoes (or whatever it is). What is it exactly that you like about them? The colour? The design? Explore all these things until your inner consciousness has run out of things to think about the shoes! You may well come away with your inner self feeling really validated, and this inspires more listening to it because you'll realise how great it feels!

This can also be done at places like markets, where there are all sorts of diverse and sometimes cheap things on sale, so you can have a long wonder around at your own pace and look at exactly what you want to. You could also try having a look online.

This will not only help train the 'listening to yourself' muscle, but could also help with creating a personal style which reflects you. Instead of half heartedly buying clothes and shoes, you might soon feel a stronger pull towards some items because you are used to listening to yourself. You'll then end up with your outside reflecting your inside. Which is great.

Let me know how you get on in the comments!

Img from here

Thursday 12 May 2016

Solo Cinema Going: Not Only for the Lonely!

Does the idea of sitting in a cinema seat alone scare you? All those rows of identical seats with groups of people dispersed, munching happily on popcorn in the company of their friends and family, while you try to bear it out in the hope that you won't be noticed.

What if I told you it could be really different? You could actually find it a really nurturing and self discovering experience. With Odeon's new Limitless scheme (see more here), trying this out is easier and less expensive than ever before.


Steps to doing this in a less awkward and embarrassing, more enjoyable and self-nourishing way:

Picking a cinema and film

1) Pick your cinema

This might sound fussy but it is true that some cinemas are, well, nicer than others. You probably have a couple of local ones and some have nicer seats than others, you might prefer the atmosphere in one - a whole lot of things. Pick the one that feels right for you to get a good start to the experience.

The other thing is that some cinemas are novelty cinemas. For example, open-air cinemas (check out this Time Out article), and the lovely Everyman cinemas, which have sofas and service to your seat (see their website here). There are also drive-in cinemas. You might like to check these out with friends, but you might like to check out something like Everyman on your own.

2) Pick your film

If you're nervous, start out small. Go to a film which has been out for a little while, and to the cinema at a more unusual time (say the afternoon instead of the inevitably busier evening). You'll be surprised to see who else is there at that time. The first time I went to the cinema alone, my fellow audience was two other solo viewers!

Having said that, try to see a film you're actually interested in! Spend a little while looking at the trailers on the cinema's website and getting excited about the film. After all, that's what the trip is really about.


Entering the cinema

3) Stock up on comforts.

One great thing about going alone is not having to share the snacks! Take some time to browse the snacks and listen to yourself. What do you actually want? This trip is about nurturing yourself, so if you love salty popcorn and soda, go for it!

In terms of other comforts, when I go to the cinema I like to take a blanket! This idea might be a 'no way' for you, but it's something to think about, even when you go with friends - it gets cold sometimes in those places!

4) Use the self service or book online.

This can be really helpful, especially if you're nervous. Most cinemas now have a self service machine where you can book at your own pace without being afraid that the staff member is judging you. They're probably not - after all, you're giving them something to do at this probably quiet time of the day, but for those of you who can't help but be worried, the self service checkout is a good option.

Entering the screen

5) Pick a seat.

When you've entered the cinema,  pick a seat exactly where you want it! Don't settle for a seat on the outside if you like a central view, but if you like to sit on the aisle to be able to get out if you need to, do that. The beauty of being alone is that you can tailor it to exactly how you want it.

6) Notice the adverts.

One big part of discovering self identity was, for me, looking at the adverts for films and making my own judgements on them. They are great triggers for having opinions about things, and making a conscious effort to notice your opinions helps you to engage with your inner self.

It is also really mindful watching the adverts and the film because your attention is focused on the big screen in front of you - it is rare to become distracted and if you do it is easy to bring yourself back.

Enjoy the film!

Image from here



Monday 9 May 2016

A seven-step exercise to getting to know who you are behind the mask.

This blog post is going to be dedicated to talking about ourselves in an objective way. I think this is really important because the way you describe yourself objectively gives big clues to the way you think about yourself and how strong your sense of self-identity is. Who is the person behind the mask you present to the outside world?



What is this mask?
In the past when I have applied for jobs or studies, I have spent hours looking up on Google things like 'qualities desired in baristas'. Usually a long list will appear, looking something like:

  • Team player
  • Positive attitude
  • Works well under pressure
  • And the list goes on...
I believe that people would look up a list such as this for two main reasons:
  1. They want to see if this type of job would be suitable for them.
  2. They already want the job and now they need to memorise these things to show on a personal statement or at an interview that they are appropriate for the job. 
The first reason is very authentic and fits the job around the person. The second reason is learning how to adapt the outward mask the person fits on to get the things they think they want. The problem is that often behind the mask they actually do not know who they are. 

When you know yourself it is 100 times easier to nourish yourself and create the most fulfilling life ahead for yourself. It is a great feeling to be able to talk to someone about yourself and have a solid enough foundation to know whether a job or other situation is actually for you, and it helps you to take any rejection a lot less personally. 

How do I get to know who I am deep down?
This is a BIG question and takes some time. But there are things you can do to help you along the way. The main idea is to get to know as much as you can about yourself, and pay special attention when you do figure out these things. More things you can do will follow from this post because knowing one's own self identity is something I have a big passion for. One to start with is here:
  1. Grab a pen and piece of paper.
  2. Write about yourself as if you were looking at your life from the inside.
  3. Focus on what you feel is most important to you in your life right now.
  4. Use these questions for guidance. Expand if you feel you want to on any question:
    1. Am I male or female or transgender? 
    2. Am I currently in a relationship?
    3. Do I have a job?
    4. What do I want in life?
    5. Which feelings come up for me most day-to-day?
    6. Where can I most often be found?
  5. Think of your own questions and continue writing until you feel you have written a good summary.
  6. Repeat at various stages of your life because the things you like and dislike are symbols of who you are but will change. 
  7. Look at the 'roots'. For example, if you are a student and you want to be a teacher, a core quality of yours might be creativity, growth or self development. See which general ideas fit to you and try and apply them to other things you like in your life. 
Image from here


Saturday 7 May 2016

Tips for Guided Visualisations

In my last inner child blog post (here), I explored the benefits of making friends with your inner child. The first step was to connect with him or her. One of the ways I talked about was using visualisation to connect, which I will explore in more detail here.


A guided visualisation based around the inner child might sound a bit scary. Firstly, it is very safe. To exit a hypnosis or visualisation all you have to do is open your eyes. If you find it emotionally overwhelming it might be helpful to ground yourself if you find yourself needing to finish the visualisation suddenly (methods here).

Just like a guided meditation, guided visualisations can be found in great numbers to download online. They often start with the same grounding processes: finding a centre point such as the breath to work with, relaxing the body and listening to the guide's voice. They then differ by telling you to imagine a scene, e.g. walking through the woods.

Every visualisation is different, and every visualiser's vision is different. Some tips for visualisation:

  • Try not to worry if you can't immediately imagine a place. If the guide says to imagine a wood and your vision of the woods keeps changing, go with the first image that comes to mind. The actual image is not wholly important, because it will develop and you will find that whatever image you chose will come to have meaning.
  • Let your mind go deep into your imagination! If you're imagining a fire-breathing dragon swooping down from above, feel free to keep on imagining. There are no set rules to visualisation and the more you imagine the more you can find meaning from.

Here is a guided inner child meditation for you to have a go with. Please feel free to leave feedback as to how you found the visualising experience!





Img src here

Why to Get Planning a Trip to your Local National Trust Property!

I was inspired to write this after visiting my local national trust property (Ightam Mote), which I visited today. I came away feeling really spiritually at peace, and began to wonder why that building has such an effect on me. 

So this is the building which has such a peaceful effect on me. It is set in beautiful gardens where I have visited a series of times over my life:


Through all the ups and downs in my life, this place has been preserved and has stayed exactly the same. The bricks on the walls surrounding the mote have kept the same texture, the creaky wooden floors inside the property have made the same sounds as my feet have walked across it, and the light shines in and creates shadows through the same windows. 

This timeless, unchanging aspect of the building reminds me of nature and why I find it grounding. No matter what is happening in my life or in my head, nature remains constant. It is extremely reliable, and the way I think and feel when looking at it changes but can always bring me back to my centre point. 

Nature is also generally very well-loved, and looking at the careful placement of flowers in gardens  reminds me of the amazingness of love. How it is always around in some capacity and can be sought out when needed. Walking around Ightam Mote, this same sense of love for the building can be detected as you go past light sensors, ’no touch’ signs and doting volunteers.


“We shape our buildings; thereafter they shape us.” 
- Winston Churchill

Interestingly, Churchill himself found Ightam Mote to be a spiritual retreat, and after going through a difficult time in his life he came to visit and painted this picture, which hangs at the property today:


So even though National Trust properties might remind you of boring days as a child, it might be spiritually refreshing to spend a while looking around one, on your own or with someone you love. If you’re lucky enough to live near Ightam Mote, even better!

Feel free to share and/or comment if you found this interesting or insightful :)

Image 1 from here
Ightam Mote's website here


Friday 6 May 2016

6 Myths About Meditation.

Today I signed up for meditation teacher training! So I thought I'd share a little on my blog about six common myths about meditation:



1. 'My mind's just too busy to meditate'
Meditation is perfect for people who can't seem to clear their mind! Not just because advanced meditators might find it easier to clear their mind, but because every human brain is busy, and that is what meditation works with. It is about learning when the mind is going off on track, or off on a tangent, and bringing it back to a centre point. The more you think this happens, the more you have to work with!

2. 'It takes years of practice to reap the benefits'
The most experienced meditators come back to meditation for the benefit it provides day-to-day, rather than an accumulative build up. You can start feeling the benefits during your first meditation - someone who has just started finding their feet in the practice receives many more benefits than a person with the most vast meditating experience who is not practicing.

3. I don't have enough time



This video is proof that you can bring meditation into your life in just two minute bursts if you really feel that's all you have time for! Longer practices can easily be slotted into an adapted routine - you could get up 10 minutes earlier, or you can even do a sleep meditation as you are falling asleep!

4. It's for the religious
The only difference between you and a deeply religious person is your beliefs. The religious person still has the same skeleton, the same bodily functions, probably the same material things. As long as you are able to be aware of your body in some capacity (for instance, being aware of your breath), you can meditate just as rewardingly as someone with religious beliefs!

5. I tried it once and it wasn't for me
How good meditation feels varies hugely between practices. There might have been circumstances which meant you didn't have a great practice - all sorts of things can affect it. I'd advise to keep trying different meditation techniques (different guided meditations or different teachers) until you feel comfortable in the class. Just looking at this article shows that a part of you is intrigued! 

6. I can't sit cross legged
Meditation can be done in any comfortable position - one of my favourite positions is lying down in bed! 


“Meditation is realizing and expanding your inner beauty in every direction.” 
― Amit Ray

Img src here.




Ways to Ground Yourself

What is grounding?



This website describes grounding as:

'a technique that helps keep someone in the present. They help reorient a person to the here-and-now and in reality. Grounding skills can be helpful in managing overhelming feelings or intense anxiety. They help someone to regain their mental focus from an often intensely emotional state.'

When your mind's getting carried off by your thoughts, you can spend whole minutes in your mind instead of where you actually are. A good way of coming back to the present moment is by grounding yourself. It is a form of mindfulness where textures, smells, sights, sounds and tastes can bring you back into the present fast. 

There are a number of techniques for grounding yourself. Some of my favourites:
  • Rubbing your hands together.
  • Taking a deep breath or several.
  • Putting both of your feet on the floor.
  • Rubbing your arms. 
  • A sensory box (this website has some ideas).
Also popular is the 54321 game (see here):
  1. Name 5 things you can see in the room.
  2. Name 4 things you can feel (e.g. chair on my back).
  3. Name 3 things you can hear right now.
  4. Name 2 things you can smell right now (or things you like the smell of)
  5. Name 1 good thing about yourself.
Grounding is less about clearing the mind and more about noticing when the mind is getting carried away and bringing it back to where you are. It is also a great way to connect with nature and as the word 'grounding' suggests, many people feel their most grounded when they are with nature - walking barefoot in grass or holding their arms around a tree. 

I'd encourage you to share your experiences in the comment section :)

Img src




Thursday 5 May 2016

EFT: The Releasing of Feelings

EFT stands for emotional freedom technique. It is hard to explain how it works but it is useful to give it a go if you are experiencing strong feelings in your body. This is something I was introduced to over two years ago and honestly don't use all that often, but tonight I gave it a go and I think I may do more often. 

I am also an advocate for feeling our feelings, so I use EFT more as a mindfulness technique. To feel the feeling in my body, ground myself through the tapping itself and also to practice self-love because I enjoy the feeling of treating myself. However, I'd encourage you to give it a go and see what meaning you can find in it for yourself :)

Give the video a watch here!




Wednesday 4 May 2016

Four Steps Towards Writing an Affirmation

I'm going to do a post about the usefulness of affirmations and some of my favourites tomorrow. For now, a good way to introduce yourself to affirmations is to jump in the deep end and make one up!



Steps towards writing an affirmation:

1. Decide on the subject of your affirmation.

Just as was explained in the universe post (here), if you think about the things you want in your life often, they are more likely to come to you. You can write an affirmation about anything. Some examples:
  • Bringing money into your life.
  • Having positive relationships.
  • Fostering self love.
If after deciding the subject you decide you would rather have a ready-made affirmation, search on the internet for 'affirmations about relationships' etc and you can find some great ones. The world's largest online collection is here.

2. Decide the tense.


Affirmations work very well in the present tense. 'I am learning to accept myself' connects you to the present moment and empowers you in it. 

Future tense can also work really well, especially if you have a big event coming up or if you have a long term goal. It can inspire hope, faith and confidence in the present moment for the future.

3. Make it positive.

A positive affirmation works better than a negative one. For example, if your desire is to do well at a job interview and answer the questions well, you could phrase this in two ways:

- 'I find it easy to talk about myself at interviews'.
- 'I will not dry up during this interview'.

The second affirmation here brings to mind drying up, and focusing on that inspires fear rather than empowering you. This is why it's great to stay on the positive side of a situation in an affirmation.

4. Keep it snappy.

A short and snappy affirmation is easier to repeat to yourself (more to be covered in the future post about affirmations) and meditate on. 



Tuesday 3 May 2016

Making Friends with your Inner Child

I'm currently sitting in a cafe writing this blog post. I've just bought a couple of nice things for myself and am having my favourite drink. I love writing in cafes - I even have the atmosphere sounds of a cafe (coffee cups clinking, low level chatter) downloaded onto my iPod for when I need to do work. So you can imagine that right now I feel great. And yes I do.

But why am I doing this? And why do I feel so great when I do this? I believe it is because I am listening to my inner child who loves cafes and fizzy drinks, and nurturing her desires.


So what is an inner child?

Every adult has an inner child - the child part of them which they've brought to adulthood with them from young life. The inner child is the part of you which looks with curious excitement at the cakes in a shop window, or loves the idea of going on the swing in the kids park - it is full of excitement, hopes and dreams and is deeply linked to our creative selves.

The way adulthood differs from childhood is that we have learnt to parent that inner child ourselves. If you're on your way to a restaurant for dinner and you pass cakes in a shop window, your inner parent would kick in and stop you from buying the cakes in that moment.

The issue many adults face is that their inner parent is very controlling of their inner child. This could be as a result of having learnt inner parenting from a controlling parent. These people might ignore that creative longing, not listen to their fun and carefree side, or simply not even hear what their inner child needs.

How can I benefit from knowing this?
The good news is that this can be easily and rewardingly remedied simply by making friends with your inner child. The first step in this would be to connect with him/her. Ways to do this could include:
  • Looking at photos of yourself as a child. 
  • Talking with family about how you were as a child. 
  • Do an inner child guided visualisation (download one here).
  • Hold a favourite childhood object.
  • Do things your childhood self would have enjoyed.
    • Playing in the park (with an actual child or if it is empty!).
    • Sucking your thumb. 
    • Colouring in.
This can be a painful process, particularly if there were difficult aspects to your childhood. So give yourself time to do this and journal about the way you feel.

How can I really make friends with my inner child?
Then comes giving your inner child the nurturing he or she needs to flourish within your adult self and bring all their wonderful creative aspects to you. Dr Sandy has written about a method to nourish and nurture your inner child, using the acronym CALM:

C - Compassion
When you feel a feeling coming from your inner child, give yourself an affirmation, such as 'it's ok to feel this way' or 'I understand this feeling'.

A - Awareness
Dream big! Create a vision board of things your inner child likes and wants. Spend time discovering these things and congratulate yourself on finding them.

L - Laughter
That deep felt laughter, encourage it! Children love laughing and so do adults - go and see some comedy, watch some on Netflix, hang out with your funniest friend and let yourself laugh.

M - Marvel
Cultivate that childhood feeling of awe by using gratitude. Read more about it in The Magic (buy here). Be grateful for all the things your inner child brings you - your creativity, wisdom, hilarity and inner wisdom, and really feel the gratitude.

Image src: innerchild_.jpg



Monday 2 May 2016

Why physical health is so important in mental health

Maslow in 1954 created a hierarchy of needs:

He claimed that in order to achieve a level on the pyramid you need to first fulfil the level below. For example, if you want to have true love and belonging in your life, first you need to have physiological wellbeing and safety.
This helps to explain why physical health is so important for us. Physical health includes:
  • Breathing
  • Food
  • Water
  • Sex
  • Sleep
  • Homeostasis
  • Excretion
All of these need to happen before the above levels can happen. So you cannot have safety of your health if you are not allowing yourself adequate food and water.
This applies in every day decisions. Say you’re at work and you have a project to complete. You consider skipping lunch and having it later. Your ability to concentrate on the work will be compromised.
This leads to more issues further up the pyramid, especially if the physical need is neglected longer term. You might not have security of your job, feel love for it or feel a full sense of achievement there. These feelings could be there but would be dulled compared to how they could feel.
Treat your physical health as a priority: take a bottle of water with you to work, make sure you have enough to eat and sleep, etc., and everything else will follow: safety, love, esteem and even self-actualisation.
Image from: HiRes.jpg