Problems with the ‘don’t care’ attitude

Strolling through a local popular clothes shop recently I looked around the store to be confronted by a huge number of statement t shirts. The writing on each ranged from ‘not all those who wonder are lost’, to the more provoking quotes such as ‘be nice or be history’ and ‘nope still don’t care’.

The popularity of these harsh statement t shirts was shown to me by the large group of teenage girls gathered around the t shirts, laughing at their boldness. Yet for me, the idea of a young impressionable person wearing one of these shirts is accompanied by an uncomfortable sadness.

For me, this sadness stems from knowing the impression that one could want to give with the sentence ‘nope still don’t care’. A vibe that the wearer is bulletproof. They have inner contentment and they don’t put up with anyone who tries to get in the way of their happy vibes.

But people who are happy have acceptance. Firstly, of themselves, but also of others. They tolerate their own imperfections in order to love themselves, and to love others and have a great experience of the world they need to tolerate others’ imperfections as well. A lack of this tolerance implies that the wearer is not accepting, of others but probably of themselves also.

People who experience true happiness also feel negative feelings. When another person prompts angry or sad feelings in them, they sit through these hard feelings because it allows them to feel happiness properly too. Really, they don’t try and numb some feelings but not others – they feel and explore all in their fullness.

That’s not to say that they allow people to walk all over them. They put up firm boundaries to create healthy relationships, and they might give out a similar message to ‘nope, still don’t care’ in the format of ‘This isn’t something you should talk to me about, perhaps you could ask a therapist or another friend’ when the conversation feels inappropriate.

This way of communicating encourages the friend to seek help without impacting on the relationship and driving the friend away. Therefore, our healthy person keeps a healthy relationship with a, hopefully, healthy person. It takes away the drama from the friendship that would occur if they just said ‘no I don’t care’, and adds the much enjoyed authenticity of good relationships.

I suppose in a round-about way I’m trying to say that I think these t shirts encourage an attitude which is inauthentic and could be dangerous for an impressionable person. To have this attitude does not create true happiness, instead a false sense of security which on further inspection can be rocked quite easily. If you don’t want to put up with people treating you a certain way, deal with it maturely (for a further post) instead of putting up harsh barriers for yourself.