6 Tips for Enjoying the Wait for Payday!

Just to make you all aware, I have published an article on Recovery Warriors about how perfectionists meditate! Full of personal experience and knowledge of the frustrations of trying to close your eyes and stay focused. The link is here!

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It seems that more often than not I find myself waiting for a pay day. No matter how much I try to budget there always seem to be at least a few days where I only have about £1 to spend each day. From social media I gather that this is not uncommon, so here are some tips for when it happens.

1.  Make sure you have enough food.
   
   To be able to have fun, you need to be nourished. Make sure that at the first sign that you might run out of money, food becomes a priority. Stock up on freezer foods and UHT milk if you need to - make sure you will have enough until pay day.
   
   If you are unable to pay for food, and will not have enough to eat, consider asking to borrow from family or friends, or in the worst case scenario, think about going to your local food bank (there is a list here should you need to look for your closest).
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2. Find good company.
   
   If you are struggling to afford things, you might be feeling a bit miserable. Many friends might be on holiday and posting pictures all over social media. It can be nice to get out of the house, off of social media and into a real life friendship with someone you enjoy spending time with.
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3. Go to a park.
   
   The last few days have been really sunny, and in this kind of weather it can be nice to sunbathe in a park. If you want refreshments, you don't have to spend £s - for instance, you can buy a cream soda for 39p and an ice lolly for 60p from a corner shop - that's 99p for refreshment!
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4. Make art.
   
   If you have the materials at home, it can be nice to spend hours creating art. Sometimes when our schedules are busy it is easy to overlook how fun it can be to get out all your painting materials, but being limited in what you can do is a great opportunity.
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5. Write a gratitude list every day.
   
   To keep things in perspective, write out what you are grateful for. If you have a journal, write a gratitude list in it each day to remind you how much fun you have had. It can be easy to get swept up into feeling sad about having no money, so this is a great way to feel positive.
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6. When you do get money, reflect.
   
   Whenever I get money after having a while of going without, I tend to make a small gesture to ground myself and remind myself of the value of having money. For instance, giving to charity, to a homeless person, or to a church. 

Image from here

Making Friends with your Reflection: 4 Steps

We look at our reflections several times a day - and with the increasing popularity of the selfie, the number of times we see our own face per day is on the up. But without an awareness of the thoughts we are having when we see ourselves, this can be dangerous for our self esteem. 

Over the weekend I was lucky enough to bump into author Charlotte Reed, author of May The Thoughts Be With You, at her market stall at Portobello Road. Her book is available here and she also has a website (here). I couldn't put her book down until I'd read it all the way through, and one of her quotes really fits in with what I'm writing about in this post:

'Call yourself bad names often enough and your mind will start to believe them (luckily this also works for good names too!' - Charlotte Reed

Steps towards improving how you see your reflection:

1) Become aware of your thoughts

It is really common to hear people saying degrading things about themselves - body weight and shape, disliked bodily features and one's cleverness are all things which come under fire when talking in this way. But it is not only these out loud thoughts that need to be challenged.

The thoughts can be very subconscious, and because they are repeated a lot, often we are unaware of them. The only way things can change is if you become aware of them. Go to your bathroom mirror and see what happens. You might find it uncomfortable and thoughts might come to mind. Make a conscious effort to do this as often as you can when you see your reflection - even in shop windows.

2) Focus on different things about your body.

Instead of looking at the seemingly ceaseless pimples on your chin like normal, try something different. One way of doing this is to look at yourself in a full length mirror, naked if you feel you can, and describe your body in a completely objective way.

Start at your head and say out loud 'I have blonde hair which comes down to my shoulders. I have an oval face with tanned skin' etc. The point here is to make it objective because it takes away from the usual subjective judgement.

3) Change self-hatred to kindness.

Cheryl Richardson wrote in her book 21 Days to Master Extreme Self-Care (available here) suggests a mirror exercise to do. Every day for a month, every time you look in the mirror, say out loud 'I love you ___ (your name)'. Many who have tried this have found an internal shift happened towards self love, compared to the self hatred that often occurs in front of a mirror.

Another way to introduce kindness is to start thanking your body. If your legs are sore from walking, when you see your legs in a reflection, mentally or verbally thank them for carrying you today. If you find yourself being horrible towards your arms, then thank them for carrying your bag today.

4) Create a supportive mirror!

To help put things into perspective and encourage kindness, stick body image affirmations around your mirror. It is useful to say them out loud several times and allow yourself to feel the feelings that come with them. There are some available at this website, and to include some here:

'I am beautiful'

'I love my body'

'I am thankful for my body'

and

'I accept myself completely'

Keep your awareness of thoughts when looking at your reflection and see if things begin to shift. It is likely that they will as you realise that your body  is primarily there to support you and is only ever doing its best. Journal through this journey so you can look back at how far you have come!

Let me know how you get on in the comments section!

Image source here

Self Identity and Window Shopping

As promised, another post on self identity and getting to know yourself. And in this blog post I'll be talking about window shopping!

Now I would talk about actual shopping but the idea here is that when you are window shopping you are not buying things. Instead you might be drawn to some things (like those bright white Converse in the window) or rejecting other things (that t-shirt you might've happily donned aged 12).

Forming these opinions about things is a good way of practicing hearing your inner voice and validating it. When you pass a window and feel drawn to that pair of shoes, listen to that inner spark of wonder and desire. Listening to your inner guide is good practice for the bigger things (like looking within for an answer on a big life decision!) - it's like training a muscle.

Spend a little time looking at the shoes (or whatever it is). What is it exactly that you like about them? The colour? The design? Explore all these things until your inner consciousness has run out of things to think about the shoes! You may well come away with your inner self feeling really validated, and this inspires more listening to it because you'll realise how great it feels!

This can also be done at places like markets, where there are all sorts of diverse and sometimes cheap things on sale, so you can have a long wonder around at your own pace and look at exactly what you want to. You could also try having a look online.

This will not only help train the 'listening to yourself' muscle, but could also help with creating a personal style which reflects you. Instead of half heartedly buying clothes and shoes, you might soon feel a stronger pull towards some items because you are used to listening to yourself. You'll then end up with your outside reflecting your inside. Which is great.

Let me know how you get on in the comments!

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A seven-step exercise to getting to know who you are behind the mask.

This blog post is going to be dedicated to talking about ourselves in an objective way. I think this is really important because the way you describe yourself objectively gives big clues to the way you think about yourself and how strong your sense of self-identity is. Who is the person behind the mask you present to the outside world?

What is this mask?
In the past when I have applied for jobs or studies, I have spent hours looking up on Google things like 'qualities desired in baristas'. Usually a long list will appear, looking something like:

• Team player
• Positive attitude
• Works well under pressure
• And the list goes on...

I believe that people would look up a list such as this for two main reasons:

1. They want to see if this type of job would be suitable for them.
2. They already want the job and now they need to memorise these things to show on a personal statement or at an interview that they are appropriate for the job. 

The first reason is very authentic and fits the job around the person. The second reason is learning how to adapt the outward mask the person fits on to get the things they think they want. The problem is that often behind the mask they actually do not know who they are. 

When you know yourself it is 100 times easier to nourish yourself and create the most fulfilling life ahead for yourself. It is a great feeling to be able to talk to someone about yourself and have a solid enough foundation to know whether a job or other situation is actually for you, and it helps you to take any rejection a lot less personally. 

How do I get to know who I am deep down?

This is a BIG question and takes some time. But there are things you can do to help you along the way. The main idea is to get to know as much as you can about yourself, and pay special attention when you do figure out these things. More things you can do will follow from this post because knowing one's own self identity is something I have a big passion for. One to start with is here:

1. Grab a pen and piece of paper.
2. Write about yourself as if you were looking at your life from the inside.
3. Focus on what you feel is most important to you in your life right now.
4. Use these questions for guidance. Expand if you feel you want to on any question:
1. Am I male or female or transgender? 
2. Am I currently in a relationship?
3. Do I have a job?
4. What do I want in life?
5. Which feelings come up for me most day-to-day?
6. Where can I most often be found?
5. Think of your own questions and continue writing until you feel you have written a good summary.
6. Repeat at various stages of your life because the things you like and dislike are symbols of who you are but will change. 
7. Look at the 'roots'. For example, if you are a student and you want to be a teacher, a core quality of yours might be creativity, growth or self development. See which general ideas fit to you and try and apply them to other things you like in your life. 

Image from here