Letting the Flame Lie Low

I have not posted a blog post in just over a month, and I have really struggled with that fact. Whenever I've thought about my blog I've had feelings of guilt, stress and worry. Comforting myself took me back to one of my core values: letting things go and rolling with what my soul wants to do.

So let me explain. Following creative ideas like blogging, taking photos, painting, e.t.c and sharing them (via social media or in person) usually takes a lot of bravery, as I've been reading about in Elizabeth Gilbert's Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear (buy on Amazon here).

Questions come up, like 'will I be good enough?', 'will people think I'm rubbish?' but the question I want to focus on here is the following:

Will I be able to keep it up? Or will I be seen as a flake or failure?

So this worry is a barrier I've faced since I can remember. Worries that I'll start up something new, enjoy it and share it, then promptly lose interest and move onto something else. As if there is something wrong with that. Rationally, it doesn't seem like there is, but I want to explore it more.

I think it comes from core beliefs about identity. The belief goes as follows: successful creative people have one main interest. You don't see famous ballet dancers flitting between interests, after all. They are consistent: being this way helps them to improve, be known and be enjoyed.

However, these ideas can be damaging. We try to find something we are 'good at', or we might not see our creative outlets as valid. We might stop them, pursuing other things instead: recognition, success and perhaps money. We lose sight of what creativity is and our innate abilities to be creative.

And this is what my inner critic thrives on, like a parasite. If people start to associate me with my blog, why would I stop writing blog posts? Even if the inspiration is not there, my critical self wants me to be slaving away, churning out posts, even if it just doesn't sit right with my inner soul. I think this image is a great description of this process of forced creativity (from here):

The beauty of creativity comes from the fact that it is not forced. We leave space open for it, but it is hard to 'capture'. I leave thinking time for blog posts quite often - space for an idea to come to me. They come organically, as this one did, and not in a conveyor-belt fashion. Perhaps this is why painters produce their paintings over years, rather than the daily style of some blog sites. 

In the top image, I drew a little mind-map, showing how creativity is a part of my core self. My expression of myself and the way I get that 'fire' inside, is by following creative hobbies. On the list, there are many things I enjoy, such as (but not limited to):

• Playing musical instruments.
• Sewing
• Crocheting
• Creative writing
• Drawing
• Painting
• Photography

I flit between these 'outlets' as frequently as my soul wishes. I will not stay bound to one when another one is calling. At the moment I have sewing and crochet projects on the go which I am enjoying, while photography is once again calling to me after a couple of years. 

It takes courage to allow one creative outlet to lie low, as in the title of this blog post 'letting the flame lie low'. It doesn't mean that the fire is extinguished, never to be pursued again. It merely means the flame is alive, moving. To keep the flame alive is to allow it to move, and to let it lie low with certain outlets. 

To remind yourself of this frequently, through the inner critic's jibes, is to allow yourself to be creative. And through this blogging medium I urge you to do this and keep your soul alive. If this becomes easier by sharing your work less frequently, so be it. Keep yourself glowing.

Self-Love in Sickness and in Health: 6 Tips

During the couple of months, I have suffered with not only diabetes, but a bout of shingles, two wisdom teeth coming through and two mouth ulcers. Ouch. The point of this post is not to seek sympathy (although that is always welcome, preferably in the form of cake and coffee). I'm going to write a little bit about maintaining a good relationship with your body, even through illness.

As you might have gathered from my blog so far, a lot of my observations and advice have been on the importance of self love in wellbeing. Your most solid, reliable and rewarding relationship is the one you have with yourself, and feeling loved by you, the person who knows how to love yourself the best, is a great feeling.

But it can become difficult in illness. When your body's working well, it's easy to feel gratitude for what it's doing for you. But in the middle of a horrendous cold, when you're surrounded by tissues and empty packets of Lemsip, it's easy to start thinking things like:

• Why can't my body just get better?
• Why do I always get ill? 
• Why can't my body just work like everyone else's? 

It's really easy to think those things, and they can go really unnoticed as negative automatic thoughts (I wrote about these in this post). So it's worth watching out for these thoughts when you're ill. The compounding effect of my illnesses over the last month has led to me having a couple of thoughts like these, and it's something I've had to stay really on top of and journal about.

So how on earth are you meant to deal with illness and love yourself?

Firstly, the most loving way to love your body is unconditionally. That is, in sickness and in health, in all shapes and sizes and at all stages of life. If your love for your body depends on it being a certain size, then all that love will disappear once it changes. In the same way, if your body love depends on it working well and feeling good, anytime you are ill you will leave yourself feeling unloved.

1. Affirmations.
   These are great for reminding yourself that your body is great. It really is. Even if you're not well, there is a reason you are not dead: your body and its immune system. Your body works constantly to try and keep you healthy, even if it does seem to get ill a lot. Louise Hay does some good body-loving affirmations on her website (here).
   .
2. Look after yourself.
   If you need rest, REST! Don't drag yourself into work at risk of making yourself worse or finding the entire day difficult. It's really important to look after yourself. That includes having baths and not just laying about in your room all day, if you feel up to it. It also includes finding a good TV series to watch on Netflix.
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3. Stock up.
   In order to take care of yourself, you need the supplies. Medicines, bubble bath, tea bags, whatever you need. Imagine you are an adult taking care of their child - you would try and make them as comfortable as possible. Do the same for yourself.
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4. Gratitude List.
   It's easy to get caught up in a vicious cycle of negative thoughts, without noticing the good things. Write a list every night of 5 things you are grateful for. It could be your housemate making you a cup of tea, getting an extension on that deadline or Lemsip really working.
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5. Take notice of your good days.
   If you are chronically unwell, it is important to realise when you're having a good period. If you're unusually mobile or well, take notice. Write it down in your journal. Tell people about it. Enjoy it for the amazing thing it is. Don't let it slip by and constantly think about next time you're going to be ill.
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6. Talk to friends.
   Being ill can mean you're a bit isolated - obviously people aren't usually that keen on catching your lurgy, and you know that, so you end up sat in your room. But just because you're in your room, you don't have to be isolated. Germs can't travel through the phone line or over Skype, so take this as an opportunity to catch up with long-distance friends and get a bit of sympathy at the same time, rather than your housemates who are probably distracted by the snotty tissue you're holding. 

Keep loving yourself and remind yourself that this will pass. Whether it's a cold, or something longer-term, you will have moments of peace again, and you will have times you can get out of the house and have a bit of fun!

Image from here

Letting Your Past Experiences Rest in Peace

I was watching How I Met Your Mother tonight and one of the lines really hit me. One character, Ted, has a crush on another character, Robin, from the beginning of the show. Later in the series, Ted is forced to repress his feelings for her, and when they eventually resurface, someone suggests that the feelings had been 'buried in a shallow grave'.

Bare with me, the post ahead is rather abstract!

The line brought up images of our past feelings, thoughts and events living underground, buried in whichever way we choose to bury them. Whether it's in a shallow way through temporary means of burial, or deep underground, dispersed and digested to reduce their emotional blow.

Obviously the way we deal with our past experiences has a big effect on us. Traumas might be far from laid to rest. They could be buried so shallowly that their tentacles reach up above ground and affect our every decision.

Being deeply buried doesn't mean refusing to let it enter our lives. It might seem that saying things like 'no I don't care about that anymore. It means nothing to me' moves the experience so far away that it can't 'get you'. But really, in a traditional rom-com sense, 'I don't care', can mean the exact opposite. It's like trying to put a plaster on something that needs stitches.

So I've put together my thoughts on how a trauma we want to bury can be best put to rest:

• Feel the feelings.
  
  Sad? Try sitting with the sadness for an evening. Journal about it. Talk about it. Think about it. Cry about it. Drinking it away or eating food or sleeping a lot will only delay the feelings until later, when they inevitably resurface in perhaps in a more indirect way.
  
• Grieve.
  
  Bear with yourself. Grief is a long process which can take a long time. And your emotional needs don't just include grieving when someone passes away. Leaving your job is still a loss, even if you hated it! Changes require us to process them, and allowing yourself to do just that will stop the feelings being delayed or coming out sideways. See my post about grief here.
  
  It might take a long time, and going through the stages can feel never-ending, but when you get to the end and you are able to gently and acceptingly reflect on your experiences it is really rewarding.
  
• Be kind to yourself.
  
  There is no 'correct' way to deal with traumas, despite the things I've written here. It's different for everyone. On a wider scale, in some areas of the world grieving involves dancing and wailing. The only thing I think is 'right' is to be kind to yourself. Going on a night out and ending up crying to your friend at 1am eating chicken nuggets might not feel ideal, but try to be accepting of your behaviours. 

If you can keep yourself safe, be accepting of your feelings and sit with them, I believe that is the route to a deep burial of your difficult past experiences. The kind where they do not creep up on you and come out sideways. The peaceful kind.

Image from here

When Apathy Takes Hold: 6 Tips

You get out of bed. Thoughts about the day ahead fail to cause a single emotion in your body. The hunger in your belly prompts you to get out of bed, and as you pour milk onto your cereal, you glance out of the window at the sky and the trees and wonder why you're feeling so... apathetic.

As defined on this website, apathy is:

"the absence of caring. It's a lack of desire to engage in activities, make changes, or find crave anything positive."

Apathy can strike at any time, without warning, or can build up gradually over time. So what causes it?

• Emotional fatigue.
  If you have been under high, consistent stress for a long time, your emotional system can start to feel worn out or burnt out. As muscles get tired, emotions can go numb. 
• Lack of enjoyment.
  If you haven't gone out and had fun for a while, or if your thoughts when out have been clouded by anxieties and stresses, this can build up into apathy. 
• Low serotonin.
  It's difficult to say whether or not apathy causes low serotonin or whether low serotonin is the cause, but often when we're apathetic our serotonin is off-balance. 

Sound like you? Luckily there's a few ways you can improve things and get yourself feeling again. 

1. Spend time with friends.
   .
   Having a strong support network is really important with apathy. When you feel apathetic you can feel stressed about having apathy itself. It can make you panic - when will you feel normal again? In moments of panic it's important to have people around you.
   .
   Being with friends can also help you to ground yourself. Doing things you like with them can bring you back to yourself and remind yourself of the things you do enjoy, even if they're not so enjoyable right now.
   .
2. Look at your other symptoms.
   .
   Are you well generally? Ask yourself questions - are you sleeping well? Are you eating well? Have you put on or lost a lot of weight recently? You may be suffering with depression or anxiety, or even malnutrition. These things can be helped with a visit to the GP or a counsellor.
   .
3. Do things!
   .
   When struck by apathy it can be easy to lose days or weeks to this feeling of non-feeling. Get yourself out of bed, eat, have a shower, watch a TV programme, do your food shopping. Anything which gets you out of the house and having some structure can help you to at least feel more human again.
   .
4. Keep a journal..
   Even if it says 'I'm still in this fog' for days on end, some feelings might come about and you might get somewhere towards the root of your problem. It also helps with structure. Journalling is often the first thing to go when I feel a bit apathetic, but it helps so much!
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5. Exercise.
   .
   Though I wouldn't condone going to the gym for hours and hours, a walk or a dance in your room can help give your neurotransmitters (like serotonin) a boost. It can also be a good distraction if you're suffering with depression, anxiety or acting out through other mental health problems.
   .
6. Be patient with yourself.
   .
   Apathy ends. It might not feel like it when you're in the middle of it, but it is sometimes a process we just need to get through. It can teach us things about ourselves and can be worth sticking through. Remind yourself of this as often as you can.

Image from here

Surviving Freshers If You're Not There

I have taken a little blogging break to focus a bit more on myself and my own personal growth, but here is my first blog back - based on freshers.

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As someone who has 'fallen behind' in the educational system a couple of times, I wanted to give some advice on surviving (and thriving) at what can be a difficult time of year!

Does the following list sound familiar? 

1) Comparing 

When friends start posting pictures of themselves having fun at freshers in their new halls with new friends, do you find yourself comparing? When I left uni I could barely look at my Facebook news feed without feeling sadness and inadequacy. 

I even felt guilty for feeling so sad about my friends having fun. It was a dark time full of comparisons. What I was doing seemed so inferior to the fun and life usefulness of uni. 

2) 'What ifs'

'What if I'd just not taken a gap year?', 'what if I'd worked harder?' and 'what if I'd made the best friends ever if I'd just gone this year?' might all be questions circling in your head. Everyone's reasons for going to uni or not are different and personal, but it can be particularly hard if it wasn't exactly your choice. 

If you haven't gone because your grades weren't enough, or if you need to redo year 13, or if you have been advised by medical professionals to leave it a year, your head might be filled with these 'what if?' questions. 

3) Placing judgements on yourself 

Judgements on yourself are all-too-common in situations where you feel left behind. Thoughts we have about ourselves can be really automatic and unnoticed - thoughts like 'I'm such an idiot' can be so self conscious that we barely notice them, but they're still there. 

4) Loneliness/isolation

As a result of a large amount of our friends departing for uni, we can find our support network is quite depleted, or sometimes non-existent aside from our families. This can be a really lonely time. 

You might've noticed a common theme among the previous list. Your friends going to uni and being at freshers has become a reflection on you and your abilities. This isn't good for self-esteem, which luckily can be built up in quite a few ways by some simple changes:

1) Less social media

It's tempting to look, but it might be a good idea to take some time away from social media. Maybe just focus on your own posts. Leave those lists of recent updates on Snapchat untouched. If you feel you need to be on it, think about things you could post rather than looking at other peoples' posts.

2) Support network

If a lot of your friends have left, focus on making new friends. Part of having a support network is having people you can see face to face and speak to - do not try to convince yourself that having friends miles away who you only see at Christmas, Easter and Summer is enough. 

Having a support network is not just about friends. It can include seeing your GP for physical or mental health problems, having a therapist if you feel you need one, or if you are redoing a year at school it could include a teacher or tutor. 

In terms of making and maintaining friendships, this website has some good advice. Maintaining friendships is as important as making them - so make time for this in your life.

3) Recognise the benefits of working through this.

It's important to not forget that this 'left behind' feeling can happen to all of us, all through life. It is not unique to when your friends are at freshers. This can be a depressing thought, but also quite empowering. If you can get through this in a healthy way, then when your friends are getting married, having kids etc, if you feel left behind you will know how to cope healthily. 

4) Enjoy yourself!

Spend time enjoying yourself, whether this means getting active, shopping or relaxing in bed, dedicate time to yourself (and lots of it). Remind yourself of why you chose not to go to uni this year, or the benefits of not being at uni. Building yourself up and your self esteem will help you to heal and spend time in a healthy way.

Image 1 from here

Image 2 from here

Four Life-Changing Attitudes We Can Learn From Mandela

Nelson Mandela, 18th July 1918 - 5th December 2013, is a household name around the world, due to his role in the South African anti-apartheid revolution and the ANC, his 27 years in prison and later, his 5 years of presidency in South Africa. He had a wide impact on tackling racism, and is well known for his quote in Long Walk to Freedom (Mandela, available here):

"No none is born hating another person because of the colour of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite".

In 2014 I was lucky enough to take a trip to Robben Island, Cape Town, where I saw his prison cell. I also watched the film Long Walk to Freedom, which taught me about his values in such a way that when I entered the corridor of his cell, it was a sad but also greatly inspirational experience. This is what I will write about today as a tribute to Mandela Day (the anniversary of his birthday). 

Attitudes which stand out to me when I think about Mandela:

• Prompting change without causing bloodshed
  
  When we look around in the world nowadays, many people are trying to change it. Terrorists, for example, who are trying to make impact by killing people. Mandela realised that violence was not the answer to prompting the changes he and others wanted to see.
  
  Though violence or outburst can be tempting when we feel trapped or angry with how things are, Mandela was mindful of those feelings and tried to find the best way to communicate them for change. This is something that can help us to step back and observe before we act.

• Forgiveness
  
  Mandela was well known for forgiving others. He made friends with wardens, saying that 'courageous people do not fear forgiving', because he recognised that holding resentment towards people is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
  
  In other words, holding resentments only harms you and is counterproductive. Being able to forgive frees you to take any actions you need to and live more peacefully.
  
• Faith
  
  A friend of Mandela, Fikile Bam, who was on Robben Island with him for ten years, said (on Mandela - available here):
  
  
  Although he had been sentenced to life imprisonment, he made it clear in all his being, that [it] was unlikely that he would finish all his time in prison ... It was, in fact, a condition of our survival in prison, to believe that we would win. The struggle would be successful in the end. We'd be out of prison during our life time.
  
  

  Faced with life in prison, many might or might feel temptation to give up, in a sense. Believing that you may one day leave and experience freedom is a very faithful belief, which promotes self improvement and improves self esteem. 

  
  

  In The Secret (available here), Rhonda Byrne insists that belief and faith in something you want will make it happen. Mandela definitely didn't read The Secret, but the similar way he chose to think helped him to endure and make the most of being in prison. 
• Kindness
  
  Ex prisoner Fikile Bam also wrote about Mandela's attitude towards prison warders:
  
  
  The one thing I can talk about is that he was always generally very polite courteous to warders. He greeted them, but at the same time, he didn't cow down to any warder at any level. He was just very courteous.
  
  

  We all have people in our lives who try to control us, whether it's to the extreme of a prison guard or not. Being kind to everyone, no matter their behaviour towards us (to an extent), shows a great level of tolerance. This tolerance is a reflection of an inner peace - that we accept and love ourselves unconditionally and are able to accept others in the same way.

Mandela's prison cell when I visited in 2014

Peering into his old prison cell on Robben Island, knowing his attitudes and ways of being, I felt the love and acceptance he felt towards every human there has ever been and will be. He not only helped to reduce racism, but he showed peace and integrity throughout his life that has inspired more change across the globe than he ever knew. 

My favourite powerful Mandela quotes:

• Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.
• I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.
• It always seems impossible until it's done. 
• The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. 
• If you want to make peace with your enemy, you have to work with your enemy. Then he becomes your partner.

Image from here

6 Practical Tips to Help You Through the Grief Process

Last week I wrote a blog post about the five stages of grief. Have a look at it here if you haven't already! The summary of the post was that grief is natural and it takes time. The feelings which come up can be really painful and are not completely clear cut, like the five stages idea makes out.

So when you're in the depths of grief, how can you muddle through and give some meaning to your days and your process?

To recap, the five main stages of grief are:

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

Now so far I've said grief takes time. It does, and it's really important to sit with your emotions and feel them. Feeling emotions allows us to make decisions, feel positive emotions at their fullest and self-care the best we can. 

But, it can be hard to 'just feel' if you don't have much experience of this. Some are used to picking up a bottle of wine or eating ice cream all night when they feel sad. These things can be comforting but at the same time can distract us from the feelings themselves and cause further problems.

So how can the days be bearable even without wine or chocolate?

Practical tips

1. Emotions are healthy
Keep an affirmation in mind. 'I am safe' is a good one, or 'I can cope'. These replace those automatic thoughts that might be there, like 'I can't cope'.

2. Journal
Writing all your emotions in a journal can be really helpful. It can guide you through the process and help you make sense of the cloud of emotions in your mind.

3. Talk to others
When you experience the loss of someone or something close, the likelihood is that someone else is also going through grieving that person or thing. It can help to talk to others. But if you find that that person says things like 'just pull yourself together' or similar, it might be best to avoid sharing too much of your emotional process with them.

4. Express emotions healthily
When you feel anger, for example, some healthy ways of expressing it are:

• Throw beanbags at a wall
• Tear up paper
• Paint with aggressive paint strokes
• Scribble 

These are good ways to take the energy out of the anger, keeping it contained and manageable. 

5. Self care, self care, self care.

Make sure you self care while you are grieving. This is a vulnerable time. A good way of figuring out what you need is to imagine a helper coming into your room. Ask yourself what they would do for you. Would they hoover? Change the sheets? Tell you to get in the shower? Keep your answers in mind and do these things for yourself.

6. Have time alone

Rushing about might feel like the easiest way to cope, but in reality it could be a subtle way of trying to avoid your feelings. Give yourself plenty of time for reflection - people will understand if you cancel on them. You don't have to have time alone in your house - if you find it safer to be out in public it can do a world of good to sit in a coffee shop for an hour or so.

If you feel like you can't cope

If you find yourself unable to cope, make sure you reach out. There are lots of ways to do this.

1. Make an appointment with your GP.
2. Talk to a grief counsellor. 
3. Phone a hotline (there is a list on this website).

If you find this helpful feel free to comment or like the post!

Image from here

5 Steps: Facing up to Your Bank Balance!

"I don't want to look at my bank balance" is something often heard around young people. But it's not just young people who struggle to check. Only 65% of adults check their bank balance each week. So how can the other 30% do this and why is it important anyway?

Knowing what's your bank account is going through is important. It helps us avoid things like:

• Overdraft charges
• Being unable to pay rent/bills on time
• Having to borrow money
• The scary world of payday loans
• Being in debt

It is well-known that people in debt suffer from more stress, which can lead to things like mental health problems, high blood pressure and a weaker immune system. The more problems you have like this, the more money you need to spend on travel, time off work etc., and it becomes a cycle.

So how can I make this less painful?

It can be hard to check your bank account. Seeing a low number leads to feelings which a lot of people would rather avoid, at least for the time being. But the more you are on top of your bank account, the more you can avoid feelings like dread and anxiety. 

Putting off checking leads to more of these feelings, and although feelings are very valid and ok, it is best to try and foster positive feelings, like empowerment and gratitude. So start today if you can. 

Practical tips:

1) Calculate in and out-goings.

So you've decided you're ready to check. First it might be a good idea to get a sheet of paper and write on the left your 'in' payments, and on the right your 'out' payments. It is a good idea to do this for a month worth of commitments. If you are a student, do this as your student loan arrives and calculate for the term.

You can also see whether medium term you need to look at increasing your hours at work to sustain yourself, or whether you are working enough that you can save some money.

2) Get comfortable.

Personally I like to do this in a coffee shop or somewhere similar. Somewhere where I can have a cup of coffee in hand as I sort things out. I also like to give myself a lot of time for this, and print out a statement from the machine at the bank, so it's current.

Take a deep breath, remind yourself that everything is ok. You are safe. You are supported and you have people who will support you and look after you. If you don't have anyone or are going to really struggle, there are always options of some kind. Keep reminding yourself of this. Repeating an affirmation in your mind can help, such as 'I am supported'.

3) Take a look

Then, when you feel safe and supported, have a look at your balance. Be prepared for any feelings that might come up. They are all valid. Even if it's excitement because you have more than you thought. If you feel sad, give yourself a minute to process it. Ground yourself to keep yourself in the situation. This is something you can cope with.

4) Adjust your spending

Calculate how much money you can spend per day, when you've taken out rent, bills, food and all other essential things. You may choose to include travel in this if you get the bus a lot. Be realistic at this point. If you know you get the bus, incorporate it in your essentials budget. If you get a cup of coffee every day, don't pretend you don't - add it to the budget!

Then calculate your left over money for the time period, and divide it by the number of days so that you have a set amount per day you can spend. This might be on social plans, birthdays, snacks, e.t.c. Now write it down clearly, and put it up somewhere - maybe your fridge or a notice board.

If you find that you do not have much money left to do things, consider cutting your essentials budget. For instance, could you walk to work instead of getting the bus? Could you cycle? Calculate the feasibility of different options and see. You could also look at things like buying cheaper foods or shopping at a different supermarket.

Here you could also look at borrowing more money if you need to, or paying back your overdraft gradually. You could also think about longer-term things like cheaper accommodation.

5) Congratulate yourself

It's important to acknowledge that you've just done something really difficult! Treat yourself with your money for that day. Having been at many places on the spectrum, I'd recommend a DVD from CEX or craft materials from Poundland if you're at the low end. You'd be surprised where you can cut costs but still be treated!

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Now enjoy your new feelings of empowerment about your money budget, and feel grateful for how much better you feel now that you're on top of things. If you're feeling inspired having read this, let me know by sharing, commenting or liking the post!

Image 1 source here
Image 2 source here

What's the Best Path to Wellbeing?

We hear a lot of messages about wellbeing every day. 'Go to the gym!', 'have you tried meditating?' and 'run yourself a nice bath!' are all phrases you might hear from people if you ask how to reduce your stress. So how can you muddle through all this to find your own direction?

There is no one way to go. With an abundance of messages being thrown at us, it seems like the only way is to take our own path. Think of it like carving through a cornfield from one end to the other, making curves and circles as you go.

As Steve Maraboli says in Life, the Truth and Being Free:

"We have all heard that no two snowflakes are alike. Each snowflake takes the perfect form for the maximum efficiency and effectiveness for its journey. And while the universal force of gravity gives them a shared destination, the expansive space in the air gives each snowflake the opportunity to take their own path."

But where to start?

Though the idea of total freedom is full of wonderful opportunity, having no set plan to reaching your own optimum state of wellbeing can be absolutely terrifying. This is especially so in those who might not have a totally stable sense of self identity. 

The following is a list of the things you can do:

1. Do your research.
   
   Read articles online, read books, talk to people and generally find out what people think is the best way to move forward in the direction you want to go. Reading this article is already taking a step!
   
2. Take what you need and leave the rest.
   
   Many messages you hear might sit uncomfortably with you. If someone says 'eat spaghetti for two days' and you hate spaghetti, leave that one there! Spaghetti might be an easy example, but if something doesn't sit right, look at what else you can do instead.
   
3. Put yourself out there.
   
   If you have decided that doing art will help you with wellbeing, go for it. Join an art class, buy some paints, hang out with an arty friend. Take steps towards incorporating this new activity into your life. 

It can be useful to choose things by asking yourself a few basic questions, like:

• How do I feel when I do this activity?
• Does this lead me towards wellbeing? 
• Is this sustainable longer term in some way?

Another thing which might be useful while you're figuring out ways to help your wellbeing is keeping a journal - this way you can record how you feel this technique is helping you, or not, and if you have chosen to do written exercises, for example, you can do them in your journal! It is also a great tracker to look back at to see how far you have come. 

Good luck! And as always, feel free to comment, like and share!

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Take Your Lunch Break! Here's Why.

I am back from Blackpool and back on the blog, though I'm off for a birthday camping trip for the next couple of days so my blog won't be fully up and running again until Friday. Thanks for staying around and reading!

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Sometimes the idea of a lunch break at work can stretch out ahead of you. You've been given an hour and you wonder whether to take the whole hour or wander back to get on with your work. Whether it's to get home earlier or for other reasons, in this post I'll explore why you should take the full time! 

Why do some people cut it short?

This varies from person to person. I have known people who take their lunch break late because they want to get home at the end of the day faster. I've also known people who had psychological reasons for working straight through the break. Reasons vary but it is more common than you'd think.

Often lunch breaks can be spent in an unhelpful way, so I'll outline some reasons and also some things you could do to fully enjoy your lunch breaks and even enjoy your day more!

Why should I take the full hour?

1) Self respect and boundaries.

Someone who is willing to work through a break is more likely to be given the odd extra task, maybe because they don't seem to mind.

Putting the boundary in place that you expect and will take your full break will make people aware that you have firm boundaries which you respect, and in turn these boundaries will receive respect from other people.

2) Replenishing your body.

Taking your full break each day allows you to plan your meals so that they are as nutritious as possible. If you are sat at your desk for the entire day snacking, you could end up eating in a way which isn't tuned to what your body needs.

3) Replenishing your mind.

In the same way, a lunch break is a good opportunity to nourish your soul. A work break meditation helps ease the stresses of the day, ground you and prepare you to have a mindful and healthy afternoon ahead. Here is an example of a meditation you could use:

4) Better productivity.

Having better nutrition of your body and mind helps us to feel more motivated for the rest of the day. It could also lessen your brain's need for distractions, meaning your work day ahead is more focused and you are more efficient. You might even end up leaving early after all!


5) A chance to connect with colleagues.

Our lunch break is also a great chance to connect with colleagues. People have different views on whether to make friends at work, but our human need for connection means our day goes that little bit easier if we feel we can connect with those around us there.

Being able to discuss your weekend is one little reason to feel some motivation for going into work on the Monday. As Oliver Burkeman says (here):

"Sure, we're all treading the same bit of carpet for eight hours a day, but even that's preferable to each treading our own, alone."

So take your breaks! They are important for all sorts of reasons and help our work to be more enjoyable, efficient and connected. And as always, feel free to comment, like or share this post if you feel it is useful for you or others.

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