3 Things I've Learnt From Working With Kids

You might have noticed that I haven't posted a blog this week! The reason is that I've been waking up before 8am most days, to spend nearly 9 hours surrounded by 5-7 year old children, before going home, falling asleep quickly and starting the cycle again.

It's been exhausting, but so much fun! I only work at the 5-day-a-week camp for 4 days each week, and as it came to my last day I was looking forward to having a day off, but now I have been struck by unexpected FOMO (fear of missing out)! As I sat enjoying my day off, my mind kept wondering to what the kids would be up to, how their Friday talent show went, whether they'd be missing me and lots of reflections which led me to write this blog post!

As much as the kids have learned and developed on camp, I have learnt a lot too. In fact, here's a list of five things I've learnt while running sports and activity sessions for them:

1) There is a child inside all of us.

I handled a situation where 6 children were asked to split into two groups. It seems a simple enough task, but when you're 6 and desperately want to be with your friends, it becomes a trickier task. I watched as 3 of the 4 girls physically clung together, urging the other girl to go over to the boys' team in fear that they would not be the one who had to go over.

The fear in their eyes was almost visible, and reminded me of the fear I have felt and sometimes feel. The type of fear when you arrive onto a bus or coach with friends, only to find that most seats are taken and you have to sit apart for the time-being. Or the fear when you arrive with friends to a bar only to find you've forgotten to bring your ID, and you hope someone will come back home with you.

I think too often, we put ourselves down for feeling fears, even if we choose the right option. Just because one girl eventually chose to leave her desired team, it doesn't mean her fear wasn't real. Her fear made her actions even braver. Our inner child's fears and our adult conquering of these fears show bravery deserving recognition and celebration.

2) The people you surround yourself with really matter.

Children generally can't choose who they surround themselves with. But when they do get to choose, they choose wisely. As two children played Happy Families in my group, I went over to hear them arguing about one of them playing unfairly.

"I've got plenty of other friends I can go and play with", one of them said calmly. I was struck by her maturity in the situation, and that she recognised she was not stuck in this situation. Many adults see themselves as trapped with certain people, but it important to remember we always have a choice. 

3) It's not all about the winning.

Yesterday I ran a group where the kids had to crack a code. They were in two teams and they had two rounds. The first time, the team I was supervising and helping out were all over the place. They hadn't listened to the instructions properly, and as a result they were breaking lots of rules and having lots of arguments with each other about what they should be doing. The other team won the round.

By the time it came to the second round, I decided it was time to give them a prep talk about how they should try to listen to each other, take turns, and delegate (let one person write as another looked for clues). They followed these ideas and as a result, they cracked the code far quicker and encouraged and helped each other.

As it turned out, the other team had also changed their tactics and had cracked the code faster. The other team won again. As one child burst into tears about the loss, I found myself explaining that it's not all about the winning. They had worked together better, cracked the code faster and done a great job. I was so impressed that I considered their improvement a win in itself! 

This got me thinking about how in games and life, our only real progress marker is how well we have done against our past self - how much we have improved and how much effort we have put into improving. There are all types of winning - not just the overall 'win'.

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I'll be working at this camp for 3 more weeks, so I will probably post some more learning updates about my time with the kids, but for now I am signing off to sleep!

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3 Ways to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

Comparing ourselves to others comes pretty naturally to most of us. With our young lives often being dominated by achievement at school, sports clubs or music, it is no wonder that the desire to be the best sometimes follows us through to adulthood.

Why not compare?

Comparing ourselves is, according to Sonya Derian (link here), a faulty logic. Sonya uses the example of an introvert. Say an introvert, who feels energised after periods of solitude, compares herself to an outgoing extrovert who gets bored spending an hour alone.

Any conclusions the introvert would come to would be irrational and illogical because everyone is different. We are all on our own paths, which might start more converged (e.g. at primary school), but as we grow older we diverge and become more and more varied.

This variation is part of the beauty of humans. It's the reason why you can go to one friend for a great night out and might choose another for a deep and meaningful conversation about life. We all have different strengths and weaknesses in different situations.

Further, we often find ourselves comparing ourselves on our worst days to others on their best. This is inaccurate because we can't get into the minds of others like we can ourselves. This quote captures this conundrum really well:

"The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else's highlight reel" - Steven Furtick

Comparison vs inspiration

You might be thinking, 'what about that actress I follow on Instagram?'. You might think someone is great because they seem to have a lot of fun and have qualities you admire. Provided this comes from a healthy place of wanting to empower yourself to have these qualities, this can be healthy. 

But if you find yourself gazing at 'fitspo' ten times a day and feeling guilty that you haven't got the post-gym glow that fitfam101 has right now, then read on!

How can I stop?

1. Identifying thoughts
   
   When you find yourself comparing yourself to someone else, take a mental note of what your thoughts are. Becoming aware is the first step to change.
2. Gratitude
   
   Often these thoughts come from a place of feeling like you aren't enough as you are. Focus on gratitude and write down some things you have which you are grateful for. Remember, that person you're comparing yourself to might be comparing themselves to someone with an even better car - comparison creates a moving goal post.
3. Empower yourself
   
   If there is something you consistently feel is an issue for you, consider making a change. If many of your comparisons come from not liking your own circumstances, see how you can appreciate yours more or make a change. 

Freebie

I have put together a chart which you can print (link here) and use to help yourself to stop comparing. It also has some handy examples for you to follow so you can start empowering yourself.

Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think by sending a comment on the box on the side of my blog - you can also like or share my posts easily :)

Image source here

How Do You Set Up For Meditating?

I was reading The Power of Meditation by Sharon Salzberg (a really great introduction to meditation - available here) when I came across her advice for a meditating posture. For many it is easier to start with a specific posture, one of which I will outline in this post. 

Hint: it is not the position this image shows!

1) Setting

Put together a meditation area. Make it a place where you feel comfortable, warm enough and safe and where you won't be disturbed (e.g. in your bedroom). This is my meditation area in my room:

I have some favourite, meaningful cushions with a book about meditation I'm currently reading. I also have a rose quartz stone which was a gift. According to this website, rose quartz is the crystal of unconditional love, compassion, peace and more. 

It might be nice to put some books, stones, quotes and signs in your meditation area. You could write some affirmations on paper and stick them up for you to meditate on (I'll write a future post about meditating on affirmations). Make it yours - in this space you will be doing a lot of self discovery!

2) Legs

Sitting on cushions on the floor, or in a chair if you feel more comfortable, gently cross your legs. Salzberg says (and I'd agree) to cross them at the ankles and swap your legs around if you get a 'dead leg' or pins and needles! To make it more comfortable, sit raised above the ground. You can buy a special meditation cushion for this (the pictured one is available here).

You might also like to have a blanket nearby or on your legs before you practice.

3) Arms

Your arms can go in different positions - people have all sorts of preferences. Up until recently I liked to let my arms relax, with my hands face down on my thighs. Recently, I have come to like Salzberg's meditation posture, which is shown here (image from here):

So your right hand is cupped in your left hand and your thumbs are touching. 

4) Back and neck

Keep your back straight and face straight ahead. This keeps the body nice and open for easier breathing and keeps you awake if you start the meditation feeling slightly drowsy! To keep your back straight, push your shoulders back slightly and chest forwards, keeping comfortable.

5) Face

The main thing with the face is to keep it relaxed. Salzberg suggests that your teeth should be slightly apart and your lips should fall apart just enough to admit a single grain of rice. Keep your jaw nice and relaxed and your face.

Then all you have to do is switch on a guided meditation or follow your breath (I'll cover following the breath shortly in another post). Please like, share or comment if you think others might benefit!

Image from here

What's So Special About Me?

So I bet you thought this blog post was going to be a personal one about me. But no! It's going to be about you. Like most of these blog posts. I'm not sure if that'll come as an excitement or a disappointment for you, but on to what I'm going to talk about!

So many times we underestimate ourselves. It comes across in all sorts of ways.

1. Jealousy

We find ourselves looking at others' achievements. That friend's graduation photo, hearing about someone's new plans, someone else's good fortune. That pang of guilt as we realise we do not feel completely 100% happy for them is usually down to self deprecation. 

The reason that person's graduation photo is creating a sense of jealousy might be because a part of you always wanted to graduate but didn't. In that moment of longing for what they have it doesn't matter that your premature leaving of university led to a great period of self discovery and starting your own business. It doesn't matter that you met all sorts of great people. You could've become a billionaire. And still your inner critic believes that you are not enough because you didn't graduate. 

2. Isolating ourselves

People probably wouldn't notice if you didn't turn up to that party. Right? 

Wrong. So often we tell ourselves that our absence isn't noticed. We could skip that gathering to lay about in bed and not bother getting in the shower. And yes, you guessed it, it's another way of putting ourselves down. 

The truth is, people do notice when we aren't around. They miss us. And in the mean time we dismiss what they actually miss about us.  

3. Pushing away loved ones

We self deprecators sabotage our own opportunities. That guy you've been dating you might find yourself pushing away from because to your subconscious, he seems too nice. In an old journal I have written 'it's only a matter of time until he discovers that I'm not all that great'. Come on! 

We also push away opportunities. That art fair you've been wanting to go to might get put on the back burner by an inner voice saying 'what's the point?'.

Well, what is the point?

It's a human need to be seen. The more you are seen the more you are remembered, and the more opportunity will flock straight to you. You'll have a lot more freedom. 

So how?

Put yourself out there!

Nobody but Van Gogh would have created Sunflowers in the way he did. All the things we love about creative professionals' work is a direct result of them getting out of bed and deciding to put themselves out in the world. And we can all learn from that. 

Go to social events, do what you feel drawn towards, because it's a great way to discover yourself and how much capability you really have. It only takes 2 clicks on a laptop to order a pizza to your house. Think how much you could create with a little thought and a few more clicks?

Make your voice heard!

As Michelle D'Avella writes (here), 

"The world does not carve out a space for the voiceless. They do not roll out a red carpet and invite the invisible to parade through."

Stay connected to the ones you love - participate fully in that group chat, make your voice heard when something doesn't feel right - refuse to pay the service charge if the waitress had no time for you! And make yourself heard!

Then see how it feels and leave a comment on this post :)

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Why to Get Planning a Trip to your Local National Trust Property!

I was inspired to write this after visiting my local national trust property (Ightam Mote), which I visited today. I came away feeling really spiritually at peace, and began to wonder why that building has such an effect on me. 

So this is the building which has such a peaceful effect on me. It is set in beautiful gardens where I have visited a series of times over my life:

Through all the ups and downs in my life, this place has been preserved and has stayed exactly the same. The bricks on the walls surrounding the mote have kept the same texture, the creaky wooden floors inside the property have made the same sounds as my feet have walked across it, and the light shines in and creates shadows through the same windows. 

This timeless, unchanging aspect of the building reminds me of nature and why I find it grounding. No matter what is happening in my life or in my head, nature remains constant. It is extremely reliable, and the way I think and feel when looking at it changes but can always bring me back to my centre point. 

Nature is also generally very well-loved, and looking at the careful placement of flowers in gardens  reminds me of the amazingness of love. How it is always around in some capacity and can be sought out when needed. Walking around Ightam Mote, this same sense of love for the building can be detected as you go past light sensors, ’no touch’ signs and doting volunteers.

“We shape our buildings; thereafter they shape us.” 

- Winston Churchill

Interestingly, Churchill himself found Ightam Mote to be a spiritual retreat, and after going through a difficult time in his life he came to visit and painted this picture, which hangs at the property today:

So even though National Trust properties might remind you of boring days as a child, it might be spiritually refreshing to spend a while looking around one, on your own or with someone you love. If you’re lucky enough to live near Ightam Mote, even better!

Feel free to share and/or comment if you found this interesting or insightful :)

Image 1 from here

Ightam Mote's website here

6 Myths About Meditation.

Today I signed up for meditation teacher training! So I thought I'd share a little on my blog about six common myths about meditation:

1. 'My mind's just too busy to meditate'
Meditation is perfect for people who can't seem to clear their mind! Not just because advanced meditators might find it easier to clear their mind, but because every human brain is busy, and that is what meditation works with. It is about learning when the mind is going off on track, or off on a tangent, and bringing it back to a centre point. The more you think this happens, the more you have to work with!

2. 'It takes years of practice to reap the benefits'
The most experienced meditators come back to meditation for the benefit it provides day-to-day, rather than an accumulative build up. You can start feeling the benefits during your first meditation - someone who has just started finding their feet in the practice receives many more benefits than a person with the most vast meditating experience who is not practicing.

3. I don't have enough time

This video is proof that you can bring meditation into your life in just two minute bursts if you really feel that's all you have time for! Longer practices can easily be slotted into an adapted routine - you could get up 10 minutes earlier, or you can even do a sleep meditation as you are falling asleep!

4. It's for the religious
The only difference between you and a deeply religious person is your beliefs. The religious person still has the same skeleton, the same bodily functions, probably the same material things. As long as you are able to be aware of your body in some capacity (for instance, being aware of your breath), you can meditate just as rewardingly as someone with religious beliefs!

5. I tried it once and it wasn't for me
How good meditation feels varies hugely between practices. There might have been circumstances which meant you didn't have a great practice - all sorts of things can affect it. I'd advise to keep trying different meditation techniques (different guided meditations or different teachers) until you feel comfortable in the class. Just looking at this article shows that a part of you is intrigued! 

6. I can't sit cross legged
Meditation can be done in any comfortable position - one of my favourite positions is lying down in bed! 

“Meditation is realizing and expanding your inner beauty in every direction.” 

― Amit Ray

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Ways to Ground Yourself

What is grounding?

This website describes grounding as:

'a technique that helps keep someone in the present. They help reorient a person to the here-and-now and in reality. Grounding skills can be helpful in managing overhelming feelings or intense anxiety. They help someone to regain their mental focus from an often intensely emotional state.'

When your mind's getting carried off by your thoughts, you can spend whole minutes in your mind instead of where you actually are. A good way of coming back to the present moment is by grounding yourself. It is a form of mindfulness where textures, smells, sights, sounds and tastes can bring you back into the present fast. 

There are a number of techniques for grounding yourself. Some of my favourites:

• Rubbing your hands together.
• Taking a deep breath or several.
• Putting both of your feet on the floor.
• Rubbing your arms. 
• A sensory box (this website has some ideas).

Also popular is the 54321 game (see here):

1. Name 5 things you can see in the room.
2. Name 4 things you can feel (e.g. chair on my back).
3. Name 3 things you can hear right now.
4. Name 2 things you can smell right now (or things you like the smell of)
5. Name 1 good thing about yourself.

Grounding is less about clearing the mind and more about noticing when the mind is getting carried away and bringing it back to where you are. It is also a great way to connect with nature and as the word 'grounding' suggests, many people feel their most grounded when they are with nature - walking barefoot in grass or holding their arms around a tree. 

I'd encourage you to share your experiences in the comment section :)

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EFT: The Releasing of Feelings

EFT stands for emotional freedom technique. It is hard to explain how it works but it is useful to give it a go if you are experiencing strong feelings in your body. This is something I was introduced to over two years ago and honestly don't use all that often, but tonight I gave it a go and I think I may do more often. 

I am also an advocate for feeling our feelings, so I use EFT more as a mindfulness technique. To feel the feeling in my body, ground myself through the tapping itself and also to practice self-love because I enjoy the feeling of treating myself. However, I'd encourage you to give it a go and see what meaning you can find in it for yourself :)

Give the video a watch here!

Making Friends with your Inner Child

I'm currently sitting in a cafe writing this blog post. I've just bought a couple of nice things for myself and am having my favourite drink. I love writing in cafes - I even have the atmosphere sounds of a cafe (coffee cups clinking, low level chatter) downloaded onto my iPod for when I need to do work. So you can imagine that right now I feel great. And yes I do.

But why am I doing this? And why do I feel so great when I do this? I believe it is because I am listening to my inner child who loves cafes and fizzy drinks, and nurturing her desires.

So what is an inner child?
Every adult has an inner child - the child part of them which they've brought to adulthood with them from young life. The inner child is the part of you which looks with curious excitement at the cakes in a shop window, or loves the idea of going on the swing in the kids park - it is full of excitement, hopes and dreams and is deeply linked to our creative selves.

The way adulthood differs from childhood is that we have learnt to parent that inner child ourselves. If you're on your way to a restaurant for dinner and you pass cakes in a shop window, your inner parent would kick in and stop you from buying the cakes in that moment.

The issue many adults face is that their inner parent is very controlling of their inner child. This could be as a result of having learnt inner parenting from a controlling parent. These people might ignore that creative longing, not listen to their fun and carefree side, or simply not even hear what their inner child needs.

How can I benefit from knowing this?
The good news is that this can be easily and rewardingly remedied simply by making friends with your inner child. The first step in this would be to connect with him/her. Ways to do this could include:

• Looking at photos of yourself as a child. 

• Talking with family about how you were as a child. 

• Do an inner child guided visualisation (download one here).

• Hold a favourite childhood object.

• Do things your childhood self would have enjoyed.

• Playing in the park (with an actual child or if it is empty!).

• Sucking your thumb. 

• Colouring in.

This can be a painful process, particularly if there were difficult aspects to your childhood. So give yourself time to do this and journal about the way you feel.

How can I really make friends with my inner child?
Then comes giving your inner child the nurturing he or she needs to flourish within your adult self and bring all their wonderful creative aspects to you. Dr Sandy has written about a method to nourish and nurture your inner child, using the acronym CALM:

C - Compassion
When you feel a feeling coming from your inner child, give yourself an affirmation, such as 'it's ok to feel this way' or 'I understand this feeling'.

A - Awareness
Dream big! Create a vision board of things your inner child likes and wants. Spend time discovering these things and congratulate yourself on finding them.

L - Laughter
That deep felt laughter, encourage it! Children love laughing and so do adults - go and see some comedy, watch some on Netflix, hang out with your funniest friend and let yourself laugh.

M - Marvel
Cultivate that childhood feeling of awe by using gratitude. Read more about it in The Magic (buy here). Be grateful for all the things your inner child brings you - your creativity, wisdom, hilarity and inner wisdom, and really feel the gratitude.

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