How Do You Set Up For Meditating?

I was reading The Power of Meditation by Sharon Salzberg (a really great introduction to meditation - available here) when I came across her advice for a meditating posture. For many it is easier to start with a specific posture, one of which I will outline in this post. 

Hint: it is not the position this image shows!

1) Setting

Put together a meditation area. Make it a place where you feel comfortable, warm enough and safe and where you won't be disturbed (e.g. in your bedroom). This is my meditation area in my room:

I have some favourite, meaningful cushions with a book about meditation I'm currently reading. I also have a rose quartz stone which was a gift. According to this website, rose quartz is the crystal of unconditional love, compassion, peace and more. 

It might be nice to put some books, stones, quotes and signs in your meditation area. You could write some affirmations on paper and stick them up for you to meditate on (I'll write a future post about meditating on affirmations). Make it yours - in this space you will be doing a lot of self discovery!

2) Legs

Sitting on cushions on the floor, or in a chair if you feel more comfortable, gently cross your legs. Salzberg says (and I'd agree) to cross them at the ankles and swap your legs around if you get a 'dead leg' or pins and needles! To make it more comfortable, sit raised above the ground. You can buy a special meditation cushion for this (the pictured one is available here).

You might also like to have a blanket nearby or on your legs before you practice.

3) Arms

Your arms can go in different positions - people have all sorts of preferences. Up until recently I liked to let my arms relax, with my hands face down on my thighs. Recently, I have come to like Salzberg's meditation posture, which is shown here (image from here):

So your right hand is cupped in your left hand and your thumbs are touching. 

4) Back and neck

Keep your back straight and face straight ahead. This keeps the body nice and open for easier breathing and keeps you awake if you start the meditation feeling slightly drowsy! To keep your back straight, push your shoulders back slightly and chest forwards, keeping comfortable.

5) Face

The main thing with the face is to keep it relaxed. Salzberg suggests that your teeth should be slightly apart and your lips should fall apart just enough to admit a single grain of rice. Keep your jaw nice and relaxed and your face.

Then all you have to do is switch on a guided meditation or follow your breath (I'll cover following the breath shortly in another post). Please like, share or comment if you think others might benefit!

Image from here

Self Identity and Window Shopping

As promised, another post on self identity and getting to know yourself. And in this blog post I'll be talking about window shopping!

Now I would talk about actual shopping but the idea here is that when you are window shopping you are not buying things. Instead you might be drawn to some things (like those bright white Converse in the window) or rejecting other things (that t-shirt you might've happily donned aged 12).

Forming these opinions about things is a good way of practicing hearing your inner voice and validating it. When you pass a window and feel drawn to that pair of shoes, listen to that inner spark of wonder and desire. Listening to your inner guide is good practice for the bigger things (like looking within for an answer on a big life decision!) - it's like training a muscle.

Spend a little time looking at the shoes (or whatever it is). What is it exactly that you like about them? The colour? The design? Explore all these things until your inner consciousness has run out of things to think about the shoes! You may well come away with your inner self feeling really validated, and this inspires more listening to it because you'll realise how great it feels!

This can also be done at places like markets, where there are all sorts of diverse and sometimes cheap things on sale, so you can have a long wonder around at your own pace and look at exactly what you want to. You could also try having a look online.

This will not only help train the 'listening to yourself' muscle, but could also help with creating a personal style which reflects you. Instead of half heartedly buying clothes and shoes, you might soon feel a stronger pull towards some items because you are used to listening to yourself. You'll then end up with your outside reflecting your inside. Which is great.

Let me know how you get on in the comments!

Img from here

Four Steps Towards Writing an Affirmation

I'm going to do a post about the usefulness of affirmations and some of my favourites tomorrow. For now, a good way to introduce yourself to affirmations is to jump in the deep end and make one up!

Steps towards writing an affirmation:

1. Decide on the subject of your affirmation.

Just as was explained in the universe post (here), if you think about the things you want in your life often, they are more likely to come to you. You can write an affirmation about anything. Some examples:

• Bringing money into your life.
• Having positive relationships.
• Fostering self love.

If after deciding the subject you decide you would rather have a ready-made affirmation, search on the internet for 'affirmations about relationships' etc and you can find some great ones. The world's largest online collection is here.

2. Decide the tense.

Affirmations work very well in the present tense. 'I am learning to accept myself' connects you to the present moment and empowers you in it. 

Future tense can also work really well, especially if you have a big event coming up or if you have a long term goal. It can inspire hope, faith and confidence in the present moment for the future.

3. Make it positive.

A positive affirmation works better than a negative one. For example, if your desire is to do well at a job interview and answer the questions well, you could phrase this in two ways:

- 'I find it easy to talk about myself at interviews'.

- 'I will not dry up during this interview'.

The second affirmation here brings to mind drying up, and focusing on that inspires fear rather than empowering you. This is why it's great to stay on the positive side of a situation in an affirmation.

4. Keep it snappy.

A short and snappy affirmation is easier to repeat to yourself (more to be covered in the future post about affirmations) and meditate on. 

Img src: empowerment-1.jpg

The Universe, and receiving from it.

You might’ve heard about a book called The Secret, or been lucky enough to come across this video online:

You’ve certainly heard about the universe when scientists talk about its planets and constellations. But what would it really mean if I came to believe that the universe was on my side, or bringing the right people to me at the right time?

The universe can be understood for wellbeing less in a literal sense, and more as a good way of describing anything outside of yourself. That chair you’re sitting on, that sky, that other person. As your friend gets angry with you, things outside of your control are happening. The universe is happening. As it does.

In The Secret, Rhonda Byrne talks about a universe where the waves we emit from our brain – our thought frequencies – are reflected back to us. If we imagine the car we want, and we believe we will get that car, the universe will reflect back our frequency and will give us the car.

The explanation works better with things which aren’t material, like thoughts. If we believe we are unlucky, we will put out signals that we are unlucky and draw unlucky things to us. An unlucky person might only notice the bad things that happen to them and draw more, whereas someone who believes they are lucky would have the opposite, and would be lucky.

How to ask and receive from the universe:

1. Think about what you want in your life frequently.

In order to get material and non-material things we truly want and be truly happy, we need to be clear on exactly what we want. A good way of doing this is a vision board. You could put up a notice board and tear out things from magazines – items you’d like or images which represent a feeling you’d like to cultivate more in yourself.

2. Be prepared for receiving.

If you want to go on a last-minute holiday, get out your suitcase ready to pack. Maybe even pack it! The last thing you’d want would be to receive that thing and then not be prepared to receive it. Being prepared also makes you think about it more, and according to The Secret, draws it to you.

3. Keep a record

Like a gratitude list, when you’ve asked the universe for something and it has provided, keep a record. It will encourage you to think about the things you really want in your life and be brave enough to go for it with confidence that it can and will happen for you.

Buy The Secret at: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Secret-Rhonda-Byrne/dp/1847370292

5 ways to keep your relationship spiritually healthy

1. Gratitude

Most couples have been there. Every little thing about your partner is annoying you and no matter what they do it’s hard for them to get back into your good books. You’re feeling grouchy and are struggling to feel that unconditional love for this person.

This is something that can be tackled by a really simple practice. Before bed, as you’re both laying warm and cosy under the covers, think back over the day to all the little things your partner has done for you over the day. It might be something little like taking out the bin or making you a coffee, or sometimes a bigger thing like surprising you or buying you a present.

Then say this gratitude list out loud. ‘Thank you for all the things you’ve done for me today – for making me breakfast, for going for a walk with me…’ and continue until you feel like you’ve expressed ample gratitude. You could make it easier at first by saying three things every day to get into the habit so you don’t find yourself drying up!

This will help your partner to feel appreciated and perhaps more importantly will allow you to appreciate how much your partner does for you every day. It will also help to foster gratitude more in the moment – you might find yourself thinking ‘oh I’ll put that on my gratitude list for later’ and feeling grateful, and it will probably extend to other people and things in your life, leading to more inner contentment and less of a need for more.

2. Meditation

If both of you are willing to, meditation can be lovely to do as a couple. Or if one of you likes meditation and the other doesn’t, the one who doesn’t could just have some quiet time to chill while the other person meditates.

For those who do meditate, it can be hard to incorporate it into a routine. Days can pass before you realise you haven’t meditated for a week or more, so planning it with another person, just as a gym buddy would help someone go to the gym, can really help you meditate. And who better than the person you probably text the most?

Another way is to download a meditation app (such as Headspace) onto your phone, where the meditations are ordered. They also have cool animations to illustrate their concepts, and have kind of ‘quests’ where you get further meditations for doing the first ten. It brings more excitement into meditation and leaves you with lots of inner serenity.

3. Time apart

Now you might be thinking something like ‘hang on, why’s it so important to be focusing on things like meditation where it’s about bringing myself wellness? I feel great when I’m with my partner – why do we have to be doing these things?’

Well, this is a theory which also means spending time apart can be a great idea. You need to focus on yourself. Remember back to that time when you first met your partner? You were probably alone and had probably been doing lots of alone things to maintain your inner sanity. This was the person your partner was attracted to and fell in love with.

When we get together with a partner and spend lots of time with them, often we change our behaviours. We reduce the time we spend doing the things we used to enjoy doing alone – like art, colouring in, writing, whatever floats our creative boat.

This can mean that our best self (our personal self, not including our partner!), is slightly or even severely compromised, and we think and feel differently as a result. We want to be our best selves so that we can enjoy our partner for who they are and they can enjoy us for who we truly are. By spending time apart to do your own thing, you will be more yourselves and there is more of each other for each of you to enjoy spending time with.

4. Boundaries

Telling your partner your hopes, fears and secrets is very healthy. After all, being vulnerable and telling someone about yourself is what brings intimacy. But there is a very important line, or boundary, which can be hard to figure out.

Say you express a worry to your partner; ‘I’m scared we won’t have enough money to pay the rent’. This is a very rational worry, but the rational response would be to plan with the money you do have to ensure you can pay the rent. If you don’t do the planning, the worry will stay.

Say your partner responds: ‘I don’t like it when you worry, I’ll stay with you for the day and we can chill out and watch TV’. Now this is very kind, and you might look forward to the day with them, but it doesn’t lead to a proper solution.

You might find yourself subconsciously not sorting out the problem so that your partner treats you specially like this more often. Then you’ll end up with bigger worries later down the line. Expressing worries for unhealthy reasons, and not dealing with your worries yourself, steps over a boundary which needs to be kept to keep a healthy relationship.

5. Encouragement

Lastly, encouraging each other to focus on your own wellbeing is vital. You’re far more likely to be the best versions of yourselves, and far more likely to foster deep love for each other which will last. The days of friends thinking your boyfriend is ‘bad for you’ will be over as you outwardly radiate inner content and happiness, and you’ll only look forward in your relationship.

Problems with the ‘don’t care’ attitude

Strolling through a local popular clothes shop recently I looked around the store to be confronted by a huge number of statement t shirts. The writing on each ranged from ‘not all those who wonder are lost’, to the more provoking quotes such as ‘be nice or be history’ and ‘nope still don’t care’.

The popularity of these harsh statement t shirts was shown to me by the large group of teenage girls gathered around the t shirts, laughing at their boldness. Yet for me, the idea of a young impressionable person wearing one of these shirts is accompanied by an uncomfortable sadness.

For me, this sadness stems from knowing the impression that one could want to give with the sentence ‘nope still don’t care’. A vibe that the wearer is bulletproof. They have inner contentment and they don’t put up with anyone who tries to get in the way of their happy vibes.

But people who are happy have acceptance. Firstly, of themselves, but also of others. They tolerate their own imperfections in order to love themselves, and to love others and have a great experience of the world they need to tolerate others’ imperfections as well. A lack of this tolerance implies that the wearer is not accepting, of others but probably of themselves also.

People who experience true happiness also feel negative feelings. When another person prompts angry or sad feelings in them, they sit through these hard feelings because it allows them to feel happiness properly too. Really, they don’t try and numb some feelings but not others – they feel and explore all in their fullness.

That’s not to say that they allow people to walk all over them. They put up firm boundaries to create healthy relationships, and they might give out a similar message to ‘nope, still don’t care’ in the format of ‘This isn’t something you should talk to me about, perhaps you could ask a therapist or another friend’ when the conversation feels inappropriate.

This way of communicating encourages the friend to seek help without impacting on the relationship and driving the friend away. Therefore, our healthy person keeps a healthy relationship with a, hopefully, healthy person. It takes away the drama from the friendship that would occur if they just said ‘no I don’t care’, and adds the much enjoyed authenticity of good relationships.

I suppose in a round-about way I’m trying to say that I think these t shirts encourage an attitude which is inauthentic and could be dangerous for an impressionable person. To have this attitude does not create true happiness, instead a false sense of security which on further inspection can be rocked quite easily. If you don’t want to put up with people treating you a certain way, deal with it maturely (for a further post) instead of putting up harsh barriers for yourself.