5 Steps: Facing up to Your Bank Balance!

"I don't want to look at my bank balance" is something often heard around young people. But it's not just young people who struggle to check. Only 65% of adults check their bank balance each week. So how can the other 30% do this and why is it important anyway?

Knowing what's your bank account is going through is important. It helps us avoid things like:

• Overdraft charges
• Being unable to pay rent/bills on time
• Having to borrow money
• The scary world of payday loans
• Being in debt

It is well-known that people in debt suffer from more stress, which can lead to things like mental health problems, high blood pressure and a weaker immune system. The more problems you have like this, the more money you need to spend on travel, time off work etc., and it becomes a cycle.

So how can I make this less painful?

It can be hard to check your bank account. Seeing a low number leads to feelings which a lot of people would rather avoid, at least for the time being. But the more you are on top of your bank account, the more you can avoid feelings like dread and anxiety. 

Putting off checking leads to more of these feelings, and although feelings are very valid and ok, it is best to try and foster positive feelings, like empowerment and gratitude. So start today if you can. 

Practical tips:

1) Calculate in and out-goings.

So you've decided you're ready to check. First it might be a good idea to get a sheet of paper and write on the left your 'in' payments, and on the right your 'out' payments. It is a good idea to do this for a month worth of commitments. If you are a student, do this as your student loan arrives and calculate for the term.

You can also see whether medium term you need to look at increasing your hours at work to sustain yourself, or whether you are working enough that you can save some money.

2) Get comfortable.

Personally I like to do this in a coffee shop or somewhere similar. Somewhere where I can have a cup of coffee in hand as I sort things out. I also like to give myself a lot of time for this, and print out a statement from the machine at the bank, so it's current.

Take a deep breath, remind yourself that everything is ok. You are safe. You are supported and you have people who will support you and look after you. If you don't have anyone or are going to really struggle, there are always options of some kind. Keep reminding yourself of this. Repeating an affirmation in your mind can help, such as 'I am supported'.

3) Take a look

Then, when you feel safe and supported, have a look at your balance. Be prepared for any feelings that might come up. They are all valid. Even if it's excitement because you have more than you thought. If you feel sad, give yourself a minute to process it. Ground yourself to keep yourself in the situation. This is something you can cope with.

4) Adjust your spending

Calculate how much money you can spend per day, when you've taken out rent, bills, food and all other essential things. You may choose to include travel in this if you get the bus a lot. Be realistic at this point. If you know you get the bus, incorporate it in your essentials budget. If you get a cup of coffee every day, don't pretend you don't - add it to the budget!

Then calculate your left over money for the time period, and divide it by the number of days so that you have a set amount per day you can spend. This might be on social plans, birthdays, snacks, e.t.c. Now write it down clearly, and put it up somewhere - maybe your fridge or a notice board.

If you find that you do not have much money left to do things, consider cutting your essentials budget. For instance, could you walk to work instead of getting the bus? Could you cycle? Calculate the feasibility of different options and see. You could also look at things like buying cheaper foods or shopping at a different supermarket.

Here you could also look at borrowing more money if you need to, or paying back your overdraft gradually. You could also think about longer-term things like cheaper accommodation.

5) Congratulate yourself

It's important to acknowledge that you've just done something really difficult! Treat yourself with your money for that day. Having been at many places on the spectrum, I'd recommend a DVD from CEX or craft materials from Poundland if you're at the low end. You'd be surprised where you can cut costs but still be treated!

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Now enjoy your new feelings of empowerment about your money budget, and feel grateful for how much better you feel now that you're on top of things. If you're feeling inspired having read this, let me know by sharing, commenting or liking the post!

Image 1 source here
Image 2 source here

What Film Studies Taught me About Life

So a couple of years ago I started to really enjoy going to the cinema a lot. Over the few months where I went to the cinema sometimes twice a week, I began to analyse what I was watching, and something started to shift in my perspective of life. This had a big impact on my life and I actually went on to study film studies as part of my degree.

In this blog post I will explore a few features of film which I believe positively impacted my life and wellbeing!

Motifs

So a motif (in film) is a term used to describe a salient, recurring element in a film. This means anything which pops up quite a bit, such as a bird in The Birds or a certain song, such as the piano music in The Conversation. 

A feature of motifs in film is that they often show variation throughout the film. For instance, a red door might be recurring in a film about a family. At the start a woman sits by the door alone, and by the end she happily walks into it with a boyfriend in arm. This is an example of development - the door is the same but the story has developed, and the door becomes a symbol of development.

When I started to notice motifs in films, I began to notice motifs in my own life. For example, a friend. Say you see this friend once when you're trying to find a job, next when you've found the job and you're working ... etc. When you see them, your friend is the same person (personality-wise), but your life has changed.

When you look back and think of all the changes, your friend becomes a motif which can show you your own development and how far you have come.

Mindfulness

When watching a film and analysing it a little, you find yourself watching out for things. For example, techniques such as sound, lighting and tonality (contrast and brightness) are things you might look out for. This process is very mindful.

When you come out of a film screening having analysed the film, you might find that you feel more aware of the environment around you. You might even feel like you're watching your life as a film, and the sunset in the sky has been almost deliberately put there by a director.

This is something which also applies to art. When I first started to appreciate art, sometimes I'd look up at a sunset and imagine it had been painted by a painter. It brought a lot of beauty and gratitude into the world which I might not have noticed before.

Character

The last thing I will write about is character. Last year I read a book called Story by Robert Mckee (available here), where Mckee talks about character development. He writes about how at the climax of a film, we see a development in the character shown when the character has to make a choice.

For instance, they might start as a grumpy, selfish person, who develops into a softer and more generous person, shown by an act of selflessness through a choice they make at the end of the film. This is very common in films and you may begin to notice more as you watch films!

If you look at your life as a film, and you have to make a choice, you can make choices based on your personality and self identity. This is particularly important if you have recently gone through a life change or recovery from mental health.

Choosing to get up and dressed in the morning can be a symbolic shift when you might a few weeks ago have chosen to stay in bed and watch Netflix all day. Development in film characters can inspire us to make choices in our own lives, which when repeated have a great impact.

Summary

I have loved film studies. Sadly I am not taking modules in it next year because I have decided to prioritise philosophy, which I am really excited about. But this will be a loss, and I am grateful for the fresh perspective film studies has given me in viewing my own life and life choices.

Thanks for reading, and please rush off to the cinema as soon as you can :) If you also feel strongly about film, feel free to share this blog post, comment or like!

Image source here

Do you Find Positive People Annoying?

You might've experienced it. You are having a really rough day - your cat threw up on your favourite blanket, you missed the train and tripped over trying to run for it. You finally reach that friend you're having coffee with and hear the inevitable words 'well, on the bright side...'. 

Sometimes, we just want to dwell for a little while on how rubbish we feel. Hearing someone trying to see the positive side just feels inauthentic and misplaced, and it might even feel annoying. Either way, it can drive a gap between you and the person because your feelings seem invalidated. 

But in general, are 'positive people' just really annoying and unable to see the miserable parts of life? Unable to acknowledge that sometimes we just have a bad day? And that it feels rubbish when we do? To look into answering these questions it's important to look at a few things.

Why do I find it so annoying?

Firstly, what do you want from telling this person about how horrible your day so far has been? For many people it's validation. You want them to sit and listen to you and say 'aww, that does sound terrible. Let me get you a cup of tea'.  Maybe not the tea but you get the idea. It's validation you're looking for in that moment. 

And when they look you in the eyes and say 'well, it could be worse!', this feels like the opposite of validation. And it is. Deep down you have built up expectations of what this person will say, and they have totally thwarted them (off topic but thwart is a word I learnt recently and love, so I'm pretty happy to have got it into my writing!).

More generally, how often do you find yourself moaning about things to this positive annoying person you have in mind? You might be surprised to find that it is more often than you think. As Dawn Gluskin writes (here): 

'For somebody trapped in a negative thinking cycle... the optimism, certainty and fearlessness of a positive-thinker can seem unbelievable and, yes, even downright annoying'

What can I do differently?

Remove the expectation.

In order to enjoy this person's company, the only real way to do it is to remove that expectation. And the only way to do this is to learn to validate yourself. 

• Be aware of your feelings.
• Recognise that all of your feelings are natural, temporary and justified. 
• Comfort yourself when you're experiencing difficult feelings - be your own loving friend or parent (see my blog post about your inner parent here).

If you can keep yourself feeling validated, you won't need someone else to do it for you, so you won't find it quite so annoying when someone else doesn't follow your expectations. 

Address your resentments.

If this has been an issue with this particular person for a long time, address your resentments and old anger so that you can focus more when you're with them. One way of doing this is to write an anger letter to them (unsent), explaining what you're angry about. Then rip it up or burn it to represent a release of your feelings of resentment.

Focus on gratitude

You might still find that you feel angry talking to them. Focus on your gratitude towards them and the things they have done and do for you. Usually, someone is doing the best they can - they are trying to help you, and though it can be difficult when they are not validating you, focus on what they are trying to do. Which is to make you feel better, normally. 

Another post will follow about forgiveness and resentments. As always, share and write in the comments if you have any thoughts :)

Img src here

Why to Get Planning a Trip to your Local National Trust Property!

I was inspired to write this after visiting my local national trust property (Ightam Mote), which I visited today. I came away feeling really spiritually at peace, and began to wonder why that building has such an effect on me. 

So this is the building which has such a peaceful effect on me. It is set in beautiful gardens where I have visited a series of times over my life:

Through all the ups and downs in my life, this place has been preserved and has stayed exactly the same. The bricks on the walls surrounding the mote have kept the same texture, the creaky wooden floors inside the property have made the same sounds as my feet have walked across it, and the light shines in and creates shadows through the same windows. 

This timeless, unchanging aspect of the building reminds me of nature and why I find it grounding. No matter what is happening in my life or in my head, nature remains constant. It is extremely reliable, and the way I think and feel when looking at it changes but can always bring me back to my centre point. 

Nature is also generally very well-loved, and looking at the careful placement of flowers in gardens  reminds me of the amazingness of love. How it is always around in some capacity and can be sought out when needed. Walking around Ightam Mote, this same sense of love for the building can be detected as you go past light sensors, ’no touch’ signs and doting volunteers.

“We shape our buildings; thereafter they shape us.” 

- Winston Churchill

Interestingly, Churchill himself found Ightam Mote to be a spiritual retreat, and after going through a difficult time in his life he came to visit and painted this picture, which hangs at the property today:

So even though National Trust properties might remind you of boring days as a child, it might be spiritually refreshing to spend a while looking around one, on your own or with someone you love. If you’re lucky enough to live near Ightam Mote, even better!

Feel free to share and/or comment if you found this interesting or insightful :)

Image 1 from here

Ightam Mote's website here