Letting the Flame Lie Low

I have not posted a blog post in just over a month, and I have really struggled with that fact. Whenever I've thought about my blog I've had feelings of guilt, stress and worry. Comforting myself took me back to one of my core values: letting things go and rolling with what my soul wants to do.

So let me explain. Following creative ideas like blogging, taking photos, painting, e.t.c and sharing them (via social media or in person) usually takes a lot of bravery, as I've been reading about in Elizabeth Gilbert's Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear (buy on Amazon here).

Questions come up, like 'will I be good enough?', 'will people think I'm rubbish?' but the question I want to focus on here is the following:

Will I be able to keep it up? Or will I be seen as a flake or failure?

So this worry is a barrier I've faced since I can remember. Worries that I'll start up something new, enjoy it and share it, then promptly lose interest and move onto something else. As if there is something wrong with that. Rationally, it doesn't seem like there is, but I want to explore it more.

I think it comes from core beliefs about identity. The belief goes as follows: successful creative people have one main interest. You don't see famous ballet dancers flitting between interests, after all. They are consistent: being this way helps them to improve, be known and be enjoyed.

However, these ideas can be damaging. We try to find something we are 'good at', or we might not see our creative outlets as valid. We might stop them, pursuing other things instead: recognition, success and perhaps money. We lose sight of what creativity is and our innate abilities to be creative.

And this is what my inner critic thrives on, like a parasite. If people start to associate me with my blog, why would I stop writing blog posts? Even if the inspiration is not there, my critical self wants me to be slaving away, churning out posts, even if it just doesn't sit right with my inner soul. I think this image is a great description of this process of forced creativity (from here):

The beauty of creativity comes from the fact that it is not forced. We leave space open for it, but it is hard to 'capture'. I leave thinking time for blog posts quite often - space for an idea to come to me. They come organically, as this one did, and not in a conveyor-belt fashion. Perhaps this is why painters produce their paintings over years, rather than the daily style of some blog sites. 

In the top image, I drew a little mind-map, showing how creativity is a part of my core self. My expression of myself and the way I get that 'fire' inside, is by following creative hobbies. On the list, there are many things I enjoy, such as (but not limited to):

• Playing musical instruments.
• Sewing
• Crocheting
• Creative writing
• Drawing
• Painting
• Photography

I flit between these 'outlets' as frequently as my soul wishes. I will not stay bound to one when another one is calling. At the moment I have sewing and crochet projects on the go which I am enjoying, while photography is once again calling to me after a couple of years. 

It takes courage to allow one creative outlet to lie low, as in the title of this blog post 'letting the flame lie low'. It doesn't mean that the fire is extinguished, never to be pursued again. It merely means the flame is alive, moving. To keep the flame alive is to allow it to move, and to let it lie low with certain outlets. 

To remind yourself of this frequently, through the inner critic's jibes, is to allow yourself to be creative. And through this blogging medium I urge you to do this and keep your soul alive. If this becomes easier by sharing your work less frequently, so be it. Keep yourself glowing.

3 Things I've Learnt From Working With Kids

You might have noticed that I haven't posted a blog this week! The reason is that I've been waking up before 8am most days, to spend nearly 9 hours surrounded by 5-7 year old children, before going home, falling asleep quickly and starting the cycle again.

It's been exhausting, but so much fun! I only work at the 5-day-a-week camp for 4 days each week, and as it came to my last day I was looking forward to having a day off, but now I have been struck by unexpected FOMO (fear of missing out)! As I sat enjoying my day off, my mind kept wondering to what the kids would be up to, how their Friday talent show went, whether they'd be missing me and lots of reflections which led me to write this blog post!

As much as the kids have learned and developed on camp, I have learnt a lot too. In fact, here's a list of five things I've learnt while running sports and activity sessions for them:

1) There is a child inside all of us.

I handled a situation where 6 children were asked to split into two groups. It seems a simple enough task, but when you're 6 and desperately want to be with your friends, it becomes a trickier task. I watched as 3 of the 4 girls physically clung together, urging the other girl to go over to the boys' team in fear that they would not be the one who had to go over.

The fear in their eyes was almost visible, and reminded me of the fear I have felt and sometimes feel. The type of fear when you arrive onto a bus or coach with friends, only to find that most seats are taken and you have to sit apart for the time-being. Or the fear when you arrive with friends to a bar only to find you've forgotten to bring your ID, and you hope someone will come back home with you.

I think too often, we put ourselves down for feeling fears, even if we choose the right option. Just because one girl eventually chose to leave her desired team, it doesn't mean her fear wasn't real. Her fear made her actions even braver. Our inner child's fears and our adult conquering of these fears show bravery deserving recognition and celebration.

2) The people you surround yourself with really matter.

Children generally can't choose who they surround themselves with. But when they do get to choose, they choose wisely. As two children played Happy Families in my group, I went over to hear them arguing about one of them playing unfairly.

"I've got plenty of other friends I can go and play with", one of them said calmly. I was struck by her maturity in the situation, and that she recognised she was not stuck in this situation. Many adults see themselves as trapped with certain people, but it important to remember we always have a choice. 

3) It's not all about the winning.

Yesterday I ran a group where the kids had to crack a code. They were in two teams and they had two rounds. The first time, the team I was supervising and helping out were all over the place. They hadn't listened to the instructions properly, and as a result they were breaking lots of rules and having lots of arguments with each other about what they should be doing. The other team won the round.

By the time it came to the second round, I decided it was time to give them a prep talk about how they should try to listen to each other, take turns, and delegate (let one person write as another looked for clues). They followed these ideas and as a result, they cracked the code far quicker and encouraged and helped each other.

As it turned out, the other team had also changed their tactics and had cracked the code faster. The other team won again. As one child burst into tears about the loss, I found myself explaining that it's not all about the winning. They had worked together better, cracked the code faster and done a great job. I was so impressed that I considered their improvement a win in itself! 

This got me thinking about how in games and life, our only real progress marker is how well we have done against our past self - how much we have improved and how much effort we have put into improving. There are all types of winning - not just the overall 'win'.

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I'll be working at this camp for 3 more weeks, so I will probably post some more learning updates about my time with the kids, but for now I am signing off to sleep!

Image from here