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As someone who has 'fallen behind' in the educational system a couple of times, I wanted to give some advice on surviving (and thriving) at what can be a difficult time of year!
Does the following list sound familiar?
1) Comparing
When friends start posting pictures of themselves having fun at freshers in their new halls with new friends, do you find yourself comparing? When I left uni I could barely look at my Facebook news feed without feeling sadness and inadequacy.
I even felt guilty for feeling so sad about my friends having fun. It was a dark time full of comparisons. What I was doing seemed so inferior to the fun and life usefulness of uni.
2) 'What ifs'
'What if I'd just not taken a gap year?', 'what if I'd worked harder?' and 'what if I'd made the best friends ever if I'd just gone this year?' might all be questions circling in your head. Everyone's reasons for going to uni or not are different and personal, but it can be particularly hard if it wasn't exactly your choice.
If you haven't gone because your grades weren't enough, or if you need to redo year 13, or if you have been advised by medical professionals to leave it a year, your head might be filled with these 'what if?' questions.
3) Placing judgements on yourself
Judgements on yourself are all-too-common in situations where you feel left behind. Thoughts we have about ourselves can be really automatic and unnoticed - thoughts like 'I'm such an idiot' can be so self conscious that we barely notice them, but they're still there.
4) Loneliness/isolation
As a result of a large amount of our friends departing for uni, we can find our support network is quite depleted, or sometimes non-existent aside from our families. This can be a really lonely time.
You might've noticed a common theme among the previous list. Your friends going to uni and being at freshers has become a reflection on you and your abilities. This isn't good for self-esteem, which luckily can be built up in quite a few ways by some simple changes:
1) Less social media
It's tempting to look, but it might be a good idea to take some time away from social media. Maybe just focus on your own posts. Leave those lists of recent updates on Snapchat untouched. If you feel you need to be on it, think about things you could post rather than looking at other peoples' posts.
2) Support network
If a lot of your friends have left, focus on making new friends. Part of having a support network is having people you can see face to face and speak to - do not try to convince yourself that having friends miles away who you only see at Christmas, Easter and Summer is enough.
Having a support network is not just about friends. It can include seeing your GP for physical or mental health problems, having a therapist if you feel you need one, or if you are redoing a year at school it could include a teacher or tutor.
In terms of making and maintaining friendships, this website has some good advice. Maintaining friendships is as important as making them - so make time for this in your life.
3) Recognise the benefits of working through this.
It's important to not forget that this 'left behind' feeling can happen to all of us, all through life. It is not unique to when your friends are at freshers. This can be a depressing thought, but also quite empowering. If you can get through this in a healthy way, then when your friends are getting married, having kids etc, if you feel left behind you will know how to cope healthily.
4) Enjoy yourself!
Spend time enjoying yourself, whether this means getting active, shopping or relaxing in bed, dedicate time to yourself (and lots of it). Remind yourself of why you chose not to go to uni this year, or the benefits of not being at uni. Building yourself up and your self esteem will help you to heal and spend time in a healthy way.
Image 1 from here
Image 2 from here
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