6 Practical Tips to Help You Through the Grief Process

Last week I wrote a blog post about the five stages of grief. Have a look at it here if you haven't already! The summary of the post was that grief is natural and it takes time. The feelings which come up can be really painful and are not completely clear cut, like the five stages idea makes out.

So when you're in the depths of grief, how can you muddle through and give some meaning to your days and your process?

To recap, the five main stages of grief are:

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

Now so far I've said grief takes time. It does, and it's really important to sit with your emotions and feel them. Feeling emotions allows us to make decisions, feel positive emotions at their fullest and self-care the best we can. 

But, it can be hard to 'just feel' if you don't have much experience of this. Some are used to picking up a bottle of wine or eating ice cream all night when they feel sad. These things can be comforting but at the same time can distract us from the feelings themselves and cause further problems.

So how can the days be bearable even without wine or chocolate?

Practical tips

1. Emotions are healthy
Keep an affirmation in mind. 'I am safe' is a good one, or 'I can cope'. These replace those automatic thoughts that might be there, like 'I can't cope'.

2. Journal
Writing all your emotions in a journal can be really helpful. It can guide you through the process and help you make sense of the cloud of emotions in your mind.

3. Talk to others
When you experience the loss of someone or something close, the likelihood is that someone else is also going through grieving that person or thing. It can help to talk to others. But if you find that that person says things like 'just pull yourself together' or similar, it might be best to avoid sharing too much of your emotional process with them.

4. Express emotions healthily
When you feel anger, for example, some healthy ways of expressing it are:

• Throw beanbags at a wall
• Tear up paper
• Paint with aggressive paint strokes
• Scribble 

These are good ways to take the energy out of the anger, keeping it contained and manageable. 

5. Self care, self care, self care.

Make sure you self care while you are grieving. This is a vulnerable time. A good way of figuring out what you need is to imagine a helper coming into your room. Ask yourself what they would do for you. Would they hoover? Change the sheets? Tell you to get in the shower? Keep your answers in mind and do these things for yourself.

6. Have time alone

Rushing about might feel like the easiest way to cope, but in reality it could be a subtle way of trying to avoid your feelings. Give yourself plenty of time for reflection - people will understand if you cancel on them. You don't have to have time alone in your house - if you find it safer to be out in public it can do a world of good to sit in a coffee shop for an hour or so.

If you feel like you can't cope

If you find yourself unable to cope, make sure you reach out. There are lots of ways to do this.

1. Make an appointment with your GP.
2. Talk to a grief counsellor. 
3. Phone a hotline (there is a list on this website).

If you find this helpful feel free to comment or like the post!

Image from here