Self-Love in Sickness and in Health: 6 Tips

During the couple of months, I have suffered with not only diabetes, but a bout of shingles, two wisdom teeth coming through and two mouth ulcers. Ouch. The point of this post is not to seek sympathy (although that is always welcome, preferably in the form of cake and coffee). I'm going to write a little bit about maintaining a good relationship with your body, even through illness.

As you might have gathered from my blog so far, a lot of my observations and advice have been on the importance of self love in wellbeing. Your most solid, reliable and rewarding relationship is the one you have with yourself, and feeling loved by you, the person who knows how to love yourself the best, is a great feeling.

But it can become difficult in illness. When your body's working well, it's easy to feel gratitude for what it's doing for you. But in the middle of a horrendous cold, when you're surrounded by tissues and empty packets of Lemsip, it's easy to start thinking things like:

• Why can't my body just get better?
• Why do I always get ill? 
• Why can't my body just work like everyone else's? 

It's really easy to think those things, and they can go really unnoticed as negative automatic thoughts (I wrote about these in this post). So it's worth watching out for these thoughts when you're ill. The compounding effect of my illnesses over the last month has led to me having a couple of thoughts like these, and it's something I've had to stay really on top of and journal about.

So how on earth are you meant to deal with illness and love yourself?

Firstly, the most loving way to love your body is unconditionally. That is, in sickness and in health, in all shapes and sizes and at all stages of life. If your love for your body depends on it being a certain size, then all that love will disappear once it changes. In the same way, if your body love depends on it working well and feeling good, anytime you are ill you will leave yourself feeling unloved.

1. Affirmations.
   These are great for reminding yourself that your body is great. It really is. Even if you're not well, there is a reason you are not dead: your body and its immune system. Your body works constantly to try and keep you healthy, even if it does seem to get ill a lot. Louise Hay does some good body-loving affirmations on her website (here).
   .
2. Look after yourself.
   If you need rest, REST! Don't drag yourself into work at risk of making yourself worse or finding the entire day difficult. It's really important to look after yourself. That includes having baths and not just laying about in your room all day, if you feel up to it. It also includes finding a good TV series to watch on Netflix.
   .
3. Stock up.
   In order to take care of yourself, you need the supplies. Medicines, bubble bath, tea bags, whatever you need. Imagine you are an adult taking care of their child - you would try and make them as comfortable as possible. Do the same for yourself.
   .
4. Gratitude List.
   It's easy to get caught up in a vicious cycle of negative thoughts, without noticing the good things. Write a list every night of 5 things you are grateful for. It could be your housemate making you a cup of tea, getting an extension on that deadline or Lemsip really working.
   .
5. Take notice of your good days.
   If you are chronically unwell, it is important to realise when you're having a good period. If you're unusually mobile or well, take notice. Write it down in your journal. Tell people about it. Enjoy it for the amazing thing it is. Don't let it slip by and constantly think about next time you're going to be ill.
   .
6. Talk to friends.
   Being ill can mean you're a bit isolated - obviously people aren't usually that keen on catching your lurgy, and you know that, so you end up sat in your room. But just because you're in your room, you don't have to be isolated. Germs can't travel through the phone line or over Skype, so take this as an opportunity to catch up with long-distance friends and get a bit of sympathy at the same time, rather than your housemates who are probably distracted by the snotty tissue you're holding. 

Keep loving yourself and remind yourself that this will pass. Whether it's a cold, or something longer-term, you will have moments of peace again, and you will have times you can get out of the house and have a bit of fun!

Image from here

Transformation Cannot Be a Checklist

This post came fairly naturally. After a month of lots of deadlines I wanted to write up a new post. So.. the topic is trauma processing, recovery and checklists. It's becoming quite common to find yourself at a low point, bogged down by past experiences. So how is it best to get going and maintain a good recovery and way of life?

For myself, any change coming up is often accompanied by a mental checklist. I'm going on a trip. I need these things. I'm cooking a meal. I need these things. I'm grieving a loss. I will go through these things and will need these things. I think this is fairly common.

Now imagine you've started a life transformation. You ask around for advice, or go on the internet, and you're told 'it's a process'. Transformation is a process, in that it takes time and there are many stages. It might be tempting to look at it as a list, or look at your issues as a list. For example:

• Sort out sleeping pattern.
• Stop smoking.
• Go to the gym. 
• Eat healthily.
• Talk about my problems.
• Get over x, y and z trauma.
• Be left with a 'clearer' life. 

This is a great way to see where you're at. However, in looking at it as a way to guide your process, there could be some problems:

1. Can feel never ending.
   Having a long list of tasks in front of you can be overwhelming. The truth is, we are growing constantly through our lives, making mistakes and trying to make the right decisions. Sometimes that means making the wrong ones.
   
   This means that even if you make a list and get through it, more can always be added. That feeling of completion you are striving for will never be reached.
   .
2. Lack of recognition for other achievements.
   Like a dog chasing a bone on a stick, you will miss the little achievements you're making if you're constantly looking forward for the next one. Transformation requires recognising all the steps you're making, even the tiny ones.
   .
3. Makes it about control.
   Releasing past experiences and traumas and their effects on your daily life is about letting go of control. It's about accepting all the emotions that come with kindness and toleration. Sometimes a list can create impatience, and if your recovery goes 'off track' it can leave you feeling very lost.
   
   As humans we crave for the world and our experiences to make sense. In recovery you will come across lots of unexpected bumps and hurdles - unexpected emotions or experiences. Having a mental (or physical) list often does not allow for these, which is what's needed.

That is not to say that lists can't be helpful. They are great starting points, and good for showing you where you're at. This is why workbooks, such as CBT books, often use tables where you write your current thoughts down, and where you want to get to. 

However, the general message is that letting go of your list as needed is very important. Notice when you're feeling like you're 'off track' from your list, and be accepting of that. Because true transformation is about accepting yourself unconditionally, whether you're on track or not.

Image from here

Letting Your Past Experiences Rest in Peace

I was watching How I Met Your Mother tonight and one of the lines really hit me. One character, Ted, has a crush on another character, Robin, from the beginning of the show. Later in the series, Ted is forced to repress his feelings for her, and when they eventually resurface, someone suggests that the feelings had been 'buried in a shallow grave'.

Bare with me, the post ahead is rather abstract!

The line brought up images of our past feelings, thoughts and events living underground, buried in whichever way we choose to bury them. Whether it's in a shallow way through temporary means of burial, or deep underground, dispersed and digested to reduce their emotional blow.

Obviously the way we deal with our past experiences has a big effect on us. Traumas might be far from laid to rest. They could be buried so shallowly that their tentacles reach up above ground and affect our every decision.

Being deeply buried doesn't mean refusing to let it enter our lives. It might seem that saying things like 'no I don't care about that anymore. It means nothing to me' moves the experience so far away that it can't 'get you'. But really, in a traditional rom-com sense, 'I don't care', can mean the exact opposite. It's like trying to put a plaster on something that needs stitches.

So I've put together my thoughts on how a trauma we want to bury can be best put to rest:

• Feel the feelings.
  
  Sad? Try sitting with the sadness for an evening. Journal about it. Talk about it. Think about it. Cry about it. Drinking it away or eating food or sleeping a lot will only delay the feelings until later, when they inevitably resurface in perhaps in a more indirect way.
  
• Grieve.
  
  Bear with yourself. Grief is a long process which can take a long time. And your emotional needs don't just include grieving when someone passes away. Leaving your job is still a loss, even if you hated it! Changes require us to process them, and allowing yourself to do just that will stop the feelings being delayed or coming out sideways. See my post about grief here.
  
  It might take a long time, and going through the stages can feel never-ending, but when you get to the end and you are able to gently and acceptingly reflect on your experiences it is really rewarding.
  
• Be kind to yourself.
  
  There is no 'correct' way to deal with traumas, despite the things I've written here. It's different for everyone. On a wider scale, in some areas of the world grieving involves dancing and wailing. The only thing I think is 'right' is to be kind to yourself. Going on a night out and ending up crying to your friend at 1am eating chicken nuggets might not feel ideal, but try to be accepting of your behaviours. 

If you can keep yourself safe, be accepting of your feelings and sit with them, I believe that is the route to a deep burial of your difficult past experiences. The kind where they do not creep up on you and come out sideways. The peaceful kind.

Image from here

Myths About Diabetes External Article

http://thetab.com/uk/kent/2016/10/08/its-reversible-and-all-the-other-myths-surrounding-diabetes-9230

I wanted to share with my readers an article I wrote about Diabetes and the myths surrounding it so here's the link :) Feel great about my writing being published :)

How Our Inner Critics are Faulty: A Logical Exercise

For those of you who don't know, I am studying for a philosophy degree at the moment. This year I'm taking a logic module, which involves picking arguments apart. It's quite complicated sometimes, but useful, and on Friday I had a little break-through in analysing my own thoughts.

So in my logic seminar on Friday we were looking at the structure of arguments. I'll give an easy example:

• If I work at Tesco I park in the Tesco car park sometimes.
• I park in the Tesco car park sometimes.
• Therefore, I work at Tesco.

Just looking at this argument, it's clear that there's something wrong with it. There could be loads of reasons why I park in the Tesco car park sometimes - it might just be to do my shopping - it doesn't have to mean that I work there! 

But it's not always so obvious. This particular argument example can be separated into algebraic parts. Bear with me if you hate maths!

So I'm going to take the argument apart now and assign each part a letter:

• A - I work at tesco
• B - I park in the Tesco car park sometimes

So the argument above can be restructured like this (look back at the original argument to work it out):

• If I work at Tesco I park in the Tesco car park sometimes (if A, then B).
• I park in the Tesco car park sometimes (B). 
• Therefore, I work at Tesco (therefore A). 

The academic part will shortly be over and I will relate this to thinking! But basically, the letters can be replaced with other sentences, for example:

• If it is raining then it is cloudy (if A then B)
• It is cloudy (B)
• Therefore it is raining (therefore A)

This argument (the raining/cloudy argument) is said to have the same logical form as the Tesco argument, because the letters are the same. This lettering order is said to be invalid because you can replace the letters with any sentence and the argument still won't 'work'. If you understand this, you'll understand the next bit!

So in last week's seminar, a nice girl sat next to me and we chatted quite a lot. This week I walked in and sat down. She came in after me and took a seat at the front away from me. At that moment I had a negative automatic thought (types of thoughts I'll look at in another blog post):

• If she didn't enjoy sitting next to me last week she wouldn't sit next to me this week. 
• She didn't sit next to me this week.
• Therefore, she didn't enjoy sitting next to me last week.

You might notice, this argument has the same lettering structure as both the Tesco and the clouds argument:

• If she didn't enjoy sitting next to me last week she wouldn't sit next to me this week. (if A then B)
• She didn't sit next to me this week. (B)
• Therefore, she didn't enjoy sitting next to me last week. (A)

Of course the argument came out from my inner critic in a rather convoluted way, like most arguments, but the basic structure is invalid. Even though thoughts from our inner critic are usually quite believable, when looked at closely like in CBT, they are often completely invalid. 

There could've been a different reason she chose not to sit next to me. And as it turned out, there was - she had to be at the front to do her presentation this week! 

The take away message from what I'm saying is that being aware of your negative thoughts means you can unpick them, analyse them and usually discover that they're complete rubbish! 

Image from here

The Myth of Laziness

Have you ever heard someone judgementally label someone as 'lazy'? It's a label often applied to young people, especially 'lazy students' who are only in uni a few hours a week. Personally I believe that these sweeping judgements are ill-informed, assuming and most of the time, completely false!

With the help of this article in Psychology Today, I'm going to unravel the term 'lazy' and look at exactly why we feel the need to procrastinate, and how we can help ourselves more. So what is laziness, according to the dictionary? A search on Google showed laziness as: 

"The quality of being unwilling to work or use energy"

Ok, so yes lots of young people and older people ARE unwilling to work or use energy sometimes, or a lot of the time. So according to the definition, yes, they are lazy. But when we're looking at why someone with Parkinson's Disease can't do up fiddly buttons, we focus on the cause, or root. Not the inability. So this is what I'm interested in with laziness. Why are we "unwilling"?

When we need to do something, all we need to start is some motivation. However, I believe that when people are lazy or procrastinate, this motivation is not there, or it's interfered with. So what can interfere with this motivation?

• Lacking interest in whatever we're trying to do.
  It's not our fault if we're not interested in the project. But if we're not interested, we're not exactly going to be excited about its completion, and when we're not excited we're not motivated. 
• Lack of self confidence.
  Sometimes we grow up to have a limited view of what we can do. It might be because we've always been told that we can't do things (by friends, family or even the media), and that message 'I wouldn't be able to do that' is a negative automatic thought circling in our mind. 
• Fear of failing.
  It's really common to be afraid of starting something in case it doesn't go to plan and you end up failing. Even if you complete the project successfully, that self doubt in your mind can still come back to haunt you in later projects - it is not quietened by success. 
• Fear of rejection.
  You might also be worried that the person you're completing the project for will not be pleased with the outcome of your hard work. This is usually due to a need for appraisal from others - that person's opinion will likely hold a very high value for you - higher than your own.

These are only four reasons why someone might be lacking motivation - there are plenty more! So with all these, I think it's pretty clear that it's less simple than a 'she's lazy' label. So here I redefine laziness:

A state of being frozen and unable to complete essential tasks due to mental blocks often undetectable to the outside world.

So how can laziness be tackled?

1. Break it down.
   .
   I put in this second image because it is a perfect illustration of the value of little steps. Starting something you need to do is a lot easier when you focus on little things. Breaking down an essay into researching, drafting, final drafting, e.t.c. makes it seem more manageable than thinking about what you'll have as the end product.
   .
2. Catch negative automatic thoughts.
   .
   Often these thoughts go unnoticed. 'I'll never do it', 'I'm such an idiot', 'why did I do that?' etc, slip through our full consciousness and go partially undetected. But they do damage and change our behaviour, putting more and more limitations on what we do and don't do.
   .
   Get a journal and write down every time you have a negative thought. Write down the situation in one column, your thought in another and your feelings in another. The more aware you are the more you can refute them and think about the truth. You are not stupid, for example.
   .
3. Believe in yourself.
   .
   Print out a list of affirmations. Cut them up and stick them on your mirror, fold them up and put them in a box, put them wherever you find best to store them, then read one aloud every day. Think about it throughout the door. This link has a lot of great affirmations, and you can write your own - I did a post about this a while ago (link here). 

See how you get on and let me know any thoughts/feedback :)

Image 1 from here

Image 2 from here

When Apathy Takes Hold: 6 Tips

You get out of bed. Thoughts about the day ahead fail to cause a single emotion in your body. The hunger in your belly prompts you to get out of bed, and as you pour milk onto your cereal, you glance out of the window at the sky and the trees and wonder why you're feeling so... apathetic.

As defined on this website, apathy is:

"the absence of caring. It's a lack of desire to engage in activities, make changes, or find crave anything positive."

Apathy can strike at any time, without warning, or can build up gradually over time. So what causes it?

• Emotional fatigue.
  If you have been under high, consistent stress for a long time, your emotional system can start to feel worn out or burnt out. As muscles get tired, emotions can go numb. 
• Lack of enjoyment.
  If you haven't gone out and had fun for a while, or if your thoughts when out have been clouded by anxieties and stresses, this can build up into apathy. 
• Low serotonin.
  It's difficult to say whether or not apathy causes low serotonin or whether low serotonin is the cause, but often when we're apathetic our serotonin is off-balance. 

Sound like you? Luckily there's a few ways you can improve things and get yourself feeling again. 

1. Spend time with friends.
   .
   Having a strong support network is really important with apathy. When you feel apathetic you can feel stressed about having apathy itself. It can make you panic - when will you feel normal again? In moments of panic it's important to have people around you.
   .
   Being with friends can also help you to ground yourself. Doing things you like with them can bring you back to yourself and remind yourself of the things you do enjoy, even if they're not so enjoyable right now.
   .
2. Look at your other symptoms.
   .
   Are you well generally? Ask yourself questions - are you sleeping well? Are you eating well? Have you put on or lost a lot of weight recently? You may be suffering with depression or anxiety, or even malnutrition. These things can be helped with a visit to the GP or a counsellor.
   .
3. Do things!
   .
   When struck by apathy it can be easy to lose days or weeks to this feeling of non-feeling. Get yourself out of bed, eat, have a shower, watch a TV programme, do your food shopping. Anything which gets you out of the house and having some structure can help you to at least feel more human again.
   .
4. Keep a journal..
   Even if it says 'I'm still in this fog' for days on end, some feelings might come about and you might get somewhere towards the root of your problem. It also helps with structure. Journalling is often the first thing to go when I feel a bit apathetic, but it helps so much!
   .
5. Exercise.
   .
   Though I wouldn't condone going to the gym for hours and hours, a walk or a dance in your room can help give your neurotransmitters (like serotonin) a boost. It can also be a good distraction if you're suffering with depression, anxiety or acting out through other mental health problems.
   .
6. Be patient with yourself.
   .
   Apathy ends. It might not feel like it when you're in the middle of it, but it is sometimes a process we just need to get through. It can teach us things about ourselves and can be worth sticking through. Remind yourself of this as often as you can.

Image from here